Sent another angel to heaven :(........

Well the much dreaded happened and we have lost another baby. Here is a run down of the last few days....

Sunday Night

I felt like I was living a total nightmare! I went to the washroom and discovered I was spotting :( .. looks just like when things started with my other losses :( I was at work and there is nothing the hospital can do for me that time of night so I stuck it out at work til my ob opened in the am. I was so beyond scared its not even funny :( Jay is came to the house and spent the night here just incase things got bad

Monday Morning

I talked to my ob's nurse. They wanted me to go in to ER. I am having isolated left side pain and the spotting has now turned red... at this point they want to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. I did some research last night and I am exhibiting symptoms :( and meet the risk catagories as well :(
Iwas feeling so lost and numb... I don't know how to go through this again :(

Monday evening... home from the ER


I came from the ER and what a jerk the dr was.... very odd for the Misericordia.

Anyways he said that my uterus and tubes were totally empty and that either a) I am not pg ( even though it was a blood test by the dr that confirmed it) or b my dates are way off or c) I miscarried and didn't realize it.( um duh I think I would have noticed passing a seven week fetus)

Seriously I felt like hitting him. He was just so callous and didnt even bother coming all the way into my room or even look at me while he delivered the news.

We came to realize that there is a very real possibility that this is a chemical pregnacy and while physically its not as hard emotionally its still another slam.

I have an appointment with Dr.G tomorrow at one and we will see what he has to say. Jay and I have done a lot of soul searching and talking and have decided that we are going on hold for at least 6 months and perferably on bc to keep my cycles going somewhat regular and when we are ready we will try again

Finally today

So over all I feel MUCH better after talking to my own dr! He was very upset with how I was treated yesterday and will deal with it so yay.

as for me...
it is definately a miscarriage. The a$$ at the hosptial said my uterus was empty but he was WRONG! there was a sac... the position of it indicates that it could have still possibly been an ectopic so Dr.G is monitoring my hcg levels until they are at zero and then we move on to the next step. At this point he wants me to miscarry naturally and to avoid yet another d&c... he said as the next two weeks go by he will decide if we need to revisit the possibility of a d&c if the miscarriage doesnt progress. Once the miscarriage is over we move on to trying to discover why this is happening

He said all in all there are about 19 tests that will done... many of them blood work. I will be having an hsg and a uterine biopsy ( ow and ow lol) and those tests could be expanded based on results. Jay will be having bloodwork done too.

We are definately on hold for right now.... for how long is to be determined. I can't go on bc until all the testing is finished and I can't get pg til then at least either. That gives us a little more time to decide exactly how we want to prevent a pregnancy and for how long. I am going to take the time to refocus on me and to get back into the gym. Jay and I are going to just keep ourselves focused on saving and taking care of ourselves and see where it leads us. Dr.G would like me to lose some weight before we try again but was very nice about it... I figure this is a good chance to do that and had thought about it before I ever went to see him. he did also say due to my age he wouldnt like to see us go on hold for too long nad ideally we hould look at about 6 months.

So there we have it. I have so many mixed emotions about this loss. I am sad and yet feel numb to it. I know its happening but it doesnt seem real either if that makes any sense at all.

Happy 1st Birthday Sara-Lyn!!!

Then.....

And now.....

Well after months of trying we are finally expecting again WOO HOOO. By my calculations I am due Feb.4/08 and that makes me 6 weeks pregnant at this point... scarey because that is the stage we were at with our second miscarriage. Jay and I are feeling very positive this time and have decided that regardless we will enjoy this new little life growing in me for however long he/she stays with us. I have my first ultrasound on June 21 to make sure we are doing okay... so please say tons of prayers that we see a little heartbeat! Then I have my first prenantal appointment on July 9 and I start my appointments with the Diabetes specialist this Thursday and thats a very good thing because holyman are my sugars going CRAZY! We will obviously keep everyone updated as time goes along. I am also journaling specifically for just this pregnancy and everyone is of course welcome to come by and have a read the link is... http://www.babycrowd.com/jr/online/kelegr/