Another year down....

Can someone please tell me that this next year will be better?? I have tried many times in the last few days to think of things that are truly positive from my 36th year and ya know other than having a great marriage and husband and a loving family I can't think of a damn thing... and thank god I have those things to be positive about!

I think of the babies I have sent to heaven, I think of my near breakdown and having to go on antidepressents, I think of all the crap that just feel so overwhelming and then as if I haven't had enough crap this past year I lose Teddi to. I know shes in a better place and she looked so very peaceful when we found her but god how I miss her.

I think of the future year and know that I am facing all the testing for recurrent pregnancy loss... will we get the solution to our issues or will we be told that I will never carry a baby... one of my hugest fears. I know we can adopt and its something we have both said, that regardless of whether we have a biological child or not, we would like to do. But damn it I want my turn; I want to feel my baby move, I want to hear a heart beat, I want the labour pains... I want the whole deal from start to finish!

I start my counselling FINALLY on August 27th.... god how I hope it helps me. I hope I can gain some insight into myself and why I think and feel the way I do.

I hope that we can have many happy times in this upcoming year. I hope next year I have nothing but good to say about my 37th year. I just am trying with all I have to simply have hope for the future!

Saying Good Bye....

Teddi

October 6, 1994- July 14, 2007

Time to Go
The time has come I think you know

the Lord is calling so I must go

I love you so much; I wish it wasn't so

I wish I could stay; I don't want to go

You're the best family a dog ever had

so kind and gentle, never mean or mad

I'll never forget the day that we met

I was so lucky to become your pet

You opened your door and showed me your heart

I'll never forget you; we'll never part

You loved me and cared for me over the years

you taught me everything and took away my fears

The Lord is calling now I must go

but before I go I want you to know

I know it hurts to lose a friend

but I'll always be with you even to the end.

Written by John Quealy

I would die for that....

I was hunting around at online at random and came across the link to this video. WOW does it ever describe how I feel!