Christmas 2007

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Randomness....

Its been awhile since I just sat and wrote about the goings on in our lives... guess thats cause nothing has been overly exciting lol

Let's see...work is going really well. I am now trained on all aspects of the front end and really love it. The midnight shifts have been interesting to say the least. I am utterly amazed at the number of people that bring thier YOUNG children shopping in the middle of the night! I am talking like in the range of 2-10.... seriously what are they thinking??? We have an array of shoppers in their jammies which is always entertaining lol. We have the after bar crowd... that can be annoying to pure fun and entertainment. We were told this week that our store along with one in Calgary are going to remain open for the 24 hours through January as well... there is a lot of confusion about who will be working though so I am just sitting back and waiting until a decision is made.

We attended a Candle light memorial tonight with our miscarriage support group. It was just wonderful! The group we attend is fairly small... but the people attending the service was incredible. Many people that no longer feel the need to come to the monthly groups still attend the service... I counted 92 candles lit in memory of babies tonight...just a small fraction of the angels who have been lost. Its really quite overwhelming when you think of it. Its wonderful to have the bond with the other parents and yet so sad at the same time. I feel blessed to have met them one one hand and on the other I wish we were all still strangers. I will never understand why I lost my babies.... I jsut have to trust there is some sort of higher power with a plan that is meant to guide me through this journey.

My counselling is going really well. My therapist thinks I am making great strides. All I can say is its been one hell of a journey and we are only a quater way through my sessions! We have done some interesting excersises that have given me so much insight into myself and the dynamics of the family. My latest "assignment" is to start a gratitude journal... she wants me to write 3 things each night that I am grateful for. .. mostly that will be easy but somedays when I get trapped in the dark nasty corners of my brain it wil be a real challenge. Starting in Feb I will be attending a group called Changing Ways. It is targeted for people who have issues with depression and works on skills to help overcome the dark side of things so day to day life can be less overwhelming. It runs for 12 weeks and my therapist is one of the leaders. I think it will be interesting. I am certainly willing to try it out... I figure it certainly can't hurt things and if I can learn skills to stay out of the dark side of my brain I will be thrilled.

I guess thats about it. I am sooooooo looking forward to Christmas this year! I can't wait to be home with everyone and to see the wonder adn excitment in the kids eyes! I plan on making a montage once I get back so stayed tuned for that ;)

It's beginning to smell alot like Christmas......

Mmmm our house sure smell good tonight. Got my annual baking done .... yum yum yum

Tried a new recipe for Candy Cane cake...

Shortbread

A few sugar cookies to give away. I am so excited to be making more with the Hannah, Sara, Jayda and Noah on Christmas eve :)

Buster sampling the sugar cookies lol

And of course the christmas baking isn't complete without Katy's butter tart squares :)

I made cheesecake brownies to but I don't have a picture of them to share... all I can say is OMG good! I think they will become an annual treat too!

Please don't tell the other dogs.......

...... that I like to cuddle with Cats

So Spoiled....





I am part of an ornamnet exchange on one of my message boards and got my pkg yesterday... just had to share the pics :)




One for me and Jay

One for our angels :)

And a collection of some of our favorite treats plus a new one.... mocha kit kats! Can't wait to try them out :)

Thanks Lorie... You ROCK :)

What part of Christmas are you.....

me

Jay

lol guess we are a good match as a couple ;)

Naughty or Nice.....



Mine

Christmas Naughty or Nice List





Christmas Naughty or Nice List

You are on the The Nice List


After checking the North Pole database we found you had :



1,931 nice entries

685 naughty entries

Jay's


Christmas Naughty or Nice List





Christmas Naughty or Nice List

You are on the The Nice List


After checking the North Pole database we found you had :



1,611 nice entries

201 naughty entries


Check your name on the Christmas Naughty or Nice List at JokesUnlimited.com

WTH lol how can Jay have so many less entries then me :P Least I made the nice list lol

Time for some Christmas Pics.......

Me and Jay becuase you couldn't have guessed that lol......




Belle.... so not impressed with the christmas collar! She refused to move til we took it off......

Buster....

One of my all time favorite pictures of Taz

This years tree.....

We went to the craft fair today and were thrilled to find an ornament for Sweetpea to match the ones we bought lost christmas for Peanut and Trouble.....

Our annual ornament.......

YAY finally got a second tree... granted its only about 12 inches tall but none the less I finally got a second tree for all my miniature precious moments ornaments......

What will be in your stocking?????

Christmas Stocking





This year in your Christmas stocking you will get :


A Winning Lottery Ticket


Find out what you will get in your Christmas stocking at Quizopolis.com

Jay's....

Christmas Stocking





This year in your Christmas stocking you will get :


A Bag of Fairy Kisses


Find out what you will get in your Christmas stocking at Quizopolis.com

Which Reindeer are you?????

Jay....

Which of Santa's Reindeer are you?





Cupid


Like Cupid you know how to spread love. You have a place in your heart for everyone and are always there with a hug or a kiss


Find out which of Santa's Reindeer you are at Quizopolis.com

Me.....

Which of Santa's Reindeer are you?





Comet


Like Comet you are always happy. Nothing seems to get you down and you can always put a smile on people's faces


Find out which of Santa's Reindeer you are at Quizopolis.com

What's your Grinch Name ????

Mine is.........Miserlygrinch Rascalhead

Jay is.........Grumpymonster Rascalhead

So who are you????

http://www.yourgeekfriend.com/GrinchName/GrinchName.php

Festival of trees.....

Jay, Katy and I took Jayda and Noah to the Festival of Trees tonight.... what a great time we had :) I am getting addicted to making montages so I thought I would have some funwith the pics from tonight... hope you enjoy ;)

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

RPL testing....

I heard from Dr.G today... so far all things are looking pretty good. My thyroid is a bit out of wack despite being on meds already so I have to see my family dr for an adjustment asap. Dr.G wants to keep a very close eye on things and if we can't get perfect control he will send me to yet another specialist... oh goody :P. My HSG showed that structurally all is fine so that was really good. There are a few results yet to come in so something may crop up but he feels quite positive that there will be nothing... wish I could feel that way. In one way I am happy nothing is wrong and on the other hand it makes things so hard because it means there is no reason for why I lost our babies :(

We have also been given the clearence to start trying again. Jay and I talked and are going to go on our own til at least the new year and then we will look at meds again. I would like to still have the biopsy if Dr.G can ever get a good time because that will tell us if my hormones are allowing a proper lining to buld for an embryo to implant in... guess we will see what happens.

Welcome to Walmart. How may I help you.....

Just had to share my geeky picture lol. Work is going great... I am sooooooo happy I made the move! I have been cross trained on cash and to be a people greeter and really enjoy both. I volunteered to do the midnight shifts when we go 24 hours ... that ought to be interesting :)

Retail here I come....

Well I am back to the working world as of Saturday. I went to an interview at Wal-mart tonight and was hired on the spot. I will be a cashier... woo hoo just in time for Christmas lol. Pay could be better but isn't horrilbe. Benefits after 6 months, profit sharing, stock options, discount shopping... overall pretty decent.

Wish me luck its beem over 18 years since I have done retail lol

Its been awhile.....
and so much has been going on. The latest big news is that I quit my job. It got to just be too much to handle and it jsut had to happen. After many hours of soul searching and talking to Jay and the family along with my counseller I have also decided to leave the rehab field. It may only be for awhile or it may be forever... I will just see where life takes me in the next few months.

In other news...

We have finally started the process for the recurrent pregnancy loss testing. It took a bit to get my guts up to go but its actually underway. I had all the bloodwork drawn and am being tested for everything imaginable... to the tune of 12 viles of blood! I have my HSG scheduled for Monday am so we will see if there is a structural problem with my uterus. We have yet to schedule the endometrial biopsy... Dr.G is tryign to decide the best way to get this one in becuase it has to be done at a certain point in the cycle and my cycles are crazy if not non existant but to get drugs to keep a month on track we could mask some of the possible issues. He wants to think about it and see what we get from the other results.

My counselling is progressing at a nice pace. I can not believe how hard it has been and yet how positive it has been. I am learning so much about myself and who I am to me. I have shed many tears and felt emotion so overwhelming it took my breath away and yet I keep going back. I have yet to start journelling but I know I need to.... there is so much I want to get out and for so many reasons its not okay to put it down here on the blog. On the advice of my counseller we are attending a monthly miscarriage support group and its been a very positive experience for both jay and myself...and it is helping us heal and move forward to hopefully trying again God willing. Also on the advice of my counseller I am reading The Complete ACOA Source book. I read chapter one... I haven't been able to go back to it. It was like the author was in my head. As things in my sessions progress I will try going to an ACOA meeting and to become involved ina journey of healing with others like me. I did try an ACOA chat room yesterday and it was an awakening experience as well.... these people I have never met are living my life inside my head inside my heart... what a sad connection! So the joureny will tough and I know I have mnay hard moments ahead of me... I just keep dreaming of the day I won't feel the overwhelming sadness and can heal some of the many wounds on my heart.

Okay... now that all that tough stuff is out on to the positives. Been seeing lots of the kids... got to make a quick trip to Calgary and let me tell you when the days are the darkest I pull on those memories and look at my pictures of all those little loving faces to help pull me through. So on that note I will sign off and leave you will some smiles :)

What we did today....

As my previous post said today was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Rememberence Day. Jay and I lit candle last year but this year we decided to go a little further. We bought some balloons, headed down to the river and released them. We then wrote a message in the sand and watched as the balloons drifted away. This evening at 7pm we lit our candles as part of the wave of light... this year we lit 3 candles for our angels, one for all the angels known to us and one for all the the angels that are unknown to us but should be remembered. Its been a good day and I feel really peaceful... more peaceful than I have in a very long time.