I saw this posted on one of my many sites that I visit and decided to share it here. It might not be Thanksgiving in Canada but the words of the message are still very powerful. Thank you God for my thorns!

This is a wonderful story... enjoy...share with everyone...

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her Birkenstocks when she pulled open the florist shop door, against a November gust of wind. Her life had been as sweet as a spring breeze and then in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a "minor" automobile accident stole her joy. This was Thanksgiving week and the time she should have delivered their infant son. She grieved over their loss.Troubles had multiplied. Her husband's company "threatened" to transfer his job to a new location. Her sister had called to say that she could not come for her long awaited holiday visit.THEN! Sandra's friend suggested that Sandra's grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder. "Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered. "For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life, but took her child's?"

"Good afternoon, can I help you?" Sandra was startled by the approach of the shop clerk. "I.... I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra."For Thanksgiving? Do you want the beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the 'Thanksgiving Special'? I'm convinced that flowers tell stories," she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?""Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong."Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

Then the bell on the door rang, and the clerk greeted the new customer,"Hi, Barbara...let me get your order." She excused herself and walked back to a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and what appeared to be long-stemmed thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped: there were no flowers."Do you want these in a box?" asked the clerk.Sandra watched for the customer's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers?She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed. "Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again." She said, as she gently tapped her chest. Sandra stammered, "Ahh, that lady just left with, uh.... she left with no flowers!"

"That's right, said the clerk. "I cut off the flowers. That's the "Special"". I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet.""Oh, come on! You can't tell me someone is willing to pay for that!" exclaimed Sandra."Barbara came into the shop three years ago, feeling much as you do, today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had just lost her father to cancer; the family business was failing; her son had gotten into drugs; and she was facing major surgery.""That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk. "For the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too much debt to allow any travel.""So what did you do?" asked Sandra."I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly."I've always thanked God for the good things in my life and I NEVER questioned Him why those GOOD things happened to me, but when the bad stuff hit, I cried out, "WHY? WHY Me?!" It took time for me to learn that the dark times are important to our faith! I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of my life but it took the thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort! You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to comfort others." Sandra sucked in her breath, as she thought about the thought that her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is, I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."

Just then someone else walked in the shop. "Hey, Phil!" the clerk greeted the balding, rotund man. "My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement...twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator."Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously."Do you mind telling me why she wants a bouquet that looks like that?""No... I'm glad you asked," Phil replied. "Four years ago, my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we trudged through problem after problem. The Lord rescued our marriage. Jenny, here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she had learned from "thorny" times. That was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give thanks for what that problem taught us. As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life." Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too...fresh.""Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that the thorns make the roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Don't resent the thorns."Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on her resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out."I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute.""Thank you. What do I owe you?""Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me." The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first."It read:My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant."Praise Him for the roses, thank Him for the thorns

Pictures of our new bedroom stuff....

The nightstands

The dresser The BEST thing... our new bed
Our next project is to buy new bedding... the multicolor blue just DOES NOT do the job anymore lol. We are thinking a sage green or maybe a multicolor green... what do you think??

Merry Early Christmas to Us!!!!!!!!!!!

and OMG are we exticted. Ever since we bought our living room furniture we have been on the hunt for a bedroom set. And with every payment we made we would look around at the bedroom sets. Some have been too expensive or cheap looking or just not what we would like. Well today we walked in and hit a sale and fell in LOVE with a bedroom set... its being delivered on Saturday WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Its a Cherry wood set ( that seems to be the theme happening in our house lol) and its soooo pretty and grown up looking lol. The only sucky thing is they only had one nightstand so they have to order us the other one and it can take up to 8 weeks... but hey after 20 + years of mixed matched bedroom furniture whats another 8 weeks. I have to admit though that while we are looking forward to the furniture itself the actual BED is the BEST thing... its a Queen size Sealy Pillow Top.... sighhhhhhhhhhh I can't wait to try that baby out on Saturday night. From the time I reached my full hieght I have NEVER owned a bed that my feet don't hang off of... as of Saturday we will. Yippeeeee :) The best part is the great price we have... our payments are equal to the raise I just got so its not going to hurt our budget at all. LOL when we walked out of the store I looked at Jay and said Merry Christmas and he laughed at me but agrees . It will be small stuff for each other this year again but hey... sleeping on a nice new comfy bed makes it all worth it :)

Midnight Excitement....

So why can't our lives be boring lol. We were sitting on the couch watching the last bit of Law & Order SVU and the fire alarm goes off. Jays looks at me and says at midnight... lol like there is a good time of day to have a fire. Well as fast as they started they turned off so he went to the lobby to see what was going on and I waited... hmm whats that I hear but the fire fighters talking... they were in the basment and their voices were travelling through the garbage chute. I hear 16th floor has smoke then we don't know where its coming from... and I am like okay time to gather the animals. Well the last time we had a fire in the building they all FREAKED. This time they actually stayed pretty calm but man were they all my instant shadows as I moved through the apartment. We gathered the cats and dogs... took the cats and tossed them in the car adn took the dogs for a walk... and waited and Jay nosed about upstairs in the lobby gathering information and I hung out by the basement doors with the dogs. Eventually it came down to the fire department leaving and not knowing for sure what happened... though we all smelt the smoke so something burned. I am glad this evacutation went way smoother than the last one... I forgot my insulin, Jay got scratched all to hell, we didn't grab a cell phone... just bad... this time we had all of those things and still got out reasonably quick and we kept our wits about us and I think the animals sensed it. We definately need to buy a good sized cat carrier that Belle and Taz can share to make things easier. We also made the choice to leave the birds in the apartment. We were both pretty confident that things were okay and the building wasn't going to burn... and taking them out in -15 would have likely killed them... what a tough decison though. Thank God it all turned out okay.

I have to say too that in all my years living in the complex as a kid and now living here with Jay I have only heard the alarm 3 times... and all three times there has been fire. Its nice to know that it can be taken seriously so that we don't become immune to the sound of them ringing.

Well off to bed. Its been a hellishly LONG day and this is certainly not how I expected to have my day end lol. Nighty night :)

Putting Nana and Papa on notice....

Okay so Jay and I spend alot of time out and about... tons of times on busses and in malls and OMG are teenagers ever annoying. Now I know my nieces and nephews were not perfect but they all were pretty damn good teens... but the ones we see ICK if I was their parent I would have to kill most of them. We were watching a particularily bad group of kids on the LRT the other day and our conversation ended up something like this

I said "can we just lock our kids up for the teen years"

Jay says "Hmm don't think it works that way"

I say "Nope but it sure would be good to avoid problems like that"

Jay says "Well thats what granparents are for"

I say " hmmm yup especially if they have a back 40 and a horse barn"

So Nana and Papa (aka Lynne and Cliff) heres what we came up with... Jay and I will keep our future children for 13 years... then you can have them till they are 21 and ready to go out into the world and we will take them back.

What do ya think... sounds like a perfect plan to us lmaoooooooooooo :P

Adventures in the snow...

and OMG do we have sore legs.

As you all know I got a promotion at work. Well one of my duties as the TL is making sure that the house is stocked with groceries. Well I did our huge shop at the begininng of the month... 4oo bucks at a store where you bag your own groceries UGH... and when I was done one of the staff came and got me... great to have a ride and the help to get the stuff home... especially since it was snowing like crazy that day.

Well yesterday comes and I am going on 2 days off and I realize that we need some stuff... not a lot but enough to justify a trip to the grocery store. Well we got snow yesterday ALL DAY we got snow snow and um yeah more snow. And under those fresh huge piles of snow are ridiculous sheets of ice. NOT FUN to walk in. Not fun at all... but got to do what you got to do... and before I did it I texted Jay and said hey hunny... and of course he came to help me :) So on the bus... walk... try not to slip and break our necks ( been there done that don't want to do it again lmao) .. shop... walk again trying to avoid falling... get the bus.. drop the stuff off and finally head for home. Cold and exhusted... to get up and do it ALL over again today

Well a little different today but the bus... walk... avoid falling... walk yeah pretty much the same. Had to go see my family Dr then I had to get my flu shot and the only west end drop in clinic was ina little out of the way seniors center...UGH. Buy hey we got it done and I am protected. Left there and head to the Westmount Transit center to catch the ONLY bus that goes to Costco... UGH again...I had to make a trip to Costco for one of my guys... they sell the only pancake mix he can eat. Not fun but for him worth it :) So we get there early... we are both starving so we go into the mall and low and behold whats there...a FLU CLINIC. ARGH I could have had one there since I was going to be there... WAH lol. Anyways had lunch then got the bus... took the wierdest route possible I am sure to Costco... then had the joys of trying to get across the street without dieing...shop ... snow...ice.. avoid falling... LONG bus ride to a transist center and then freeze... shiver BRRR feeling like we are dieing waiting for the bus that will take us home.

And we get to do it all over again tomorrow when we go get my cheque and we shop for home... ahhhhh the joys of adulthood and responsibilities lol. And yep I might be whining some but watching all the accidents and issues people had with driving I looked and Jay and said "yup this is a pain in the ass... but driving in that would be worse" lol :)

Mind, Body and maybe a Baby...

I have had a few appointments this past couple weeks so figured I would throw them into one update :)

Hmm lets start with the mind... going not to bad :) I saw Dr.S today and he upped my Celexa to 30mg from 20mg. He thinks there are still a few risidual symptoms hanging around and he would like to see them go as well. We talked about my sleeping issues at night. He would like to see me try a sleeping pill BUT with my job I can't risk not waking up or being out of it if I do wake up should the clients need me and I think it would be to hard to take them only a couple days a week. With the increase in the Celexa I am hoping it will be what I need to get to sleep. Once asleep now I am okay... can just take me up to 2-3 hours sometimes to get there as my mind races and I get flashes of memories that remind me of a slideshow... he agrees witht he wait and see approach when I gave him my thoughts. We also talked a bit about me seeing a therapist and he totally agrees... what a shock lol. We chatted a bit about my issues and he thinks now that the Celexa is leveling out it would be a good time to start exploring everything. I do agree... I have said it a few times... but good lord I am terrified to make that first call. I know the meds are a bandaide and that I need to get to the true route of the depression... but there is still that little part of me that says eh.. you'll be fine. I know I am kidding myself, I know I need to make the call. Jay wants me to, Lynne wants me to,my friends want me to, my Dr's want me to... everyone I trust, love and respect is ttelling me to take that plunge and start. I know I have the support that I will need to get through whatever hell comes up in therapy, I know how much terapy has helped and continues to help people that I love... So why does it terrifiy me to much?!?!

Okay enough of that... on to the body LOL. I saw Dr.L my diabetes specialist and once again had an excellent check up. He said that the Celexa is the best choice for an antidepressent as far as the diabetes go... so woo hoo for that. However it does effect my sugars like CRAZY. I am having to drop my insulin amounts and have actually been able to eleminate some of my fast acting insulin at some meals because my sugars are saying so low... a good thing :) I will be in an adjustment process again as the new dose of Celexa starts effecting me... but hey in the end its worth it and low is WAY better than high. Ummm.. whatelse. Oh my blood pressure is still perfect 106/70 and quite frankly that always surprises me given family history... but hey I'll take the good stuff whenever I can get it. I also got my latest a1C results and I am now sitting at 5.7%... PERFECT numbers... not only for my health but for that of any future babies :) He's proud of me and so am I.

And finally maybe a baby... lol well the maybe means by the end of this month. I take my last dose of Clomid tonight and then its time to get busy and hope for the best lol. I have been doing lots of research and OMG the incidents of twins scares the crap out of me. Of course we would be thrilled if we ended up with twins... but I would quite happily settle for one extra sticky baby lol. I see Dr.G on Dec.4 to see if I actually ovualted or not this month and I would suspect a PG test and planning in the case of either no ovulation or pregnancy. I was sooooo scared the night I took my first pill. My hands actually shook opening up the little package. I know when the time is right we wil have a baby and I will carry to term but after 2 miscarriages this year I am gun shy and I am sure I will be super anxious for the first weeks of my next preganncy. I just have to keep reminding myself that I do everything in my power to protect and grow a little baby and the rest is in God's hands... I just wish this whole TTC journey so so much easier... not only for me but for all my friends who are going through this with me as well. Oh and Dr.G is quite happy with the Celexa to given at any point I could get PG so that also makes me feel better. He also made a notation in my file because while the miscarriages are not 100% the cause of my depression they are a part of it and as such puts me at higher risk for post partum depression.. WOO HOO. LOL... I say lets get PG and have a little one and cross that road if we must 10 months from now :)

Need to rant...

LOL and I think Jay is tried of listening to me cause I have yattered away at him pretty much since we got home :P

Okay... we go grocery shopping today ( YUCK by the way) and get to the checkout. Now the older I get the more anal I have got about my grocery cart. I shop in a certain order so I can unload and have my stuff bagged in a logical manner. I make a point of unloading the same way to. Well today we had a bagger that had no freaking clue what she was doing. She threw pickles on my bread, dropped my eggs because instead of using the bag holder she would grab a bag and try and stuff items in. Some bags were WAY over stuffed... others had hardly anything.

Now to be fair to her it was apparent she had some type of developmental disability. I work in the field, I have HUGE tolerance when someone with a disability is the person waiting on me. I was extremely frustrated.. though I was nice to her. What made me mad was the store. Either a) she didn't get enough support and training for this particular job or b) she has had lots of support but is unable to master the skills she needs and therefore should get other opportunities within the store. I am always happy to see when a business provides a opportunity for a person with a disability to work... I will in fact tend to shop there more. BUT... it has to be done properly. I was frustrated as all get out and poor Jay got it from me instead of the bagger... but how many people would do that... many would bite her head off and personally I don't think its fair. I am at a crossroads when it comes to phoning the store manager. If I thought she wouldn't get in trouble and would get proper support I would call but my fear is that she won't... UGH what to do????

So we make our call to the taxi company... the same one I have used since childhood and for the first time ever I think I was disgusted by the drivers attitude and lack of customer service. We start off by having to load our own groceries in the car... not a biggie but odd cause any other time I have used this company the drivers assist us. But fine whatever... we get in and the radio is playing a talkshow on international adoption...

The driver looks at us and says its disgusting and that people should not be allowed to adopt because its buying people... OKAY THEN. Well I made a comment about all the children in orphanages and that there is no reason why they shouldn't get homes.. Jay doesn't say anything. The driver then says its disgusting and wrong and if you can't birth a child you shouldn't have a child. Well Jay is still quiet and I made sure to just shut up because I really could have mouthed off and I think it wouldn't have done a damn bit of good. I felt like asking him about all those baby girls dumped in China or the orphans in Hati or Ethiopia? What about kids like Jay who were apprehended because of abuse and deserve loving parents? What about people that would make awesome parents and provide excellent homes to a child and they can't have one of their own because of infertility? ARGH. I think he should have kept his mouth shut... very touchy subject to be speaking about when you don't know the beliefs of your audience.

Well we get home... I pay the fare and add a tip like I always do... why for him I don't know... just habit and courtesy I guess because the drivers for that company are usually awesome. So he pops the trunk and sits while we unload... guess counting his money was more important. He got out to help after he got a call and we were taking to long to unload. ARGH.. I felt like asking for my tip back. I am seriously contemplating calling on him too... I am seriously disappointed in the service we received and had a not been a regular customer of this company I would have second thoughts about calling them in the future.

Ahhhh.... sigh. There feel better now! Thanks for listening :)