HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAY !!!!!

Angel Whisper's

An angel whispers in our ear

Don't worry mommy and daddy I am here

I watch over you from up above

I see your tears and I feel your love

I know you want me there with you

But God had other things for me to do

I'm here with Peanut and now Sweetpea too

And we play in the clouds as we wait for you

I know its hard that a year's gone by

But I have my wings and I am learning to fly

So think of me mommy and daddy to

And smile knowing special angels watch over you

And each time you think of me up above

Please know that I am sending down my love

And those gentle feelings of a breeze

Those are lots of hugs for you from me

So please don't be sad that I went away

For I live in your hearts each and everyday

written for Trouble one year after growing wings

Our Summer to date....

Wow its been a loing time since I actually sat to write anything... other than the major happenings of the past few weeks that is. So what is there to say... not a ton really. Our summer has been pretty much a bust. I am working an avg of 91 hours a week so we haven't had a ton of time for our ususal summer activites.

Jay and I did go away one weekend with the clients I am working with and another staff member... it was so much fun and of course had the bonus of being paid as well.

We went to Capital Ex with Lynne... mmmmm corn dogs and mini donuts. Lynne and I actually decided to be brave and check out the virtual reality game.... it was a blast.

I got a new hair do... wow its been to long since I had some fun colors in my hair. Thanks for sending me to Imah Lynne and Katy ;)

We hit the outdoor market in St.Albert... I can't beleive I hadn't hauled Lynne and Katy out there before then cause I have been often lol. It was a blast even if we got rained on... can anyone say soggy!

We had planned to go to heritge days that weekend too but got rained out :P so instead we spent the weekend visiting at Katy and Steve's and watching Jayda discover the fun of laundry baskets lol

On to Katy's garage sale weekend.... it's always interesting to meet garage sale goers lol.

Papa and Uncle Jay said sell

Nana said no way lol

And of course just a couple other fun shots...

So that about sums it up. Thnaks goodness for weekneds off so I can see the family. Next week end pretty much wraps up summer. I am big shock working while everyone else is in Calgary helping Dan and Carmen move into their new house... sure wish I was gonna be there to :(

With that I will sign off .... heres one last shot to leave you smiling ;) Buster showing off his new raincoat!

We remember you.....

Ernest Kelly

January 25, 1920- August 11, 1996

Murray Grant

December 21, 1930- August 13, 1985

Missing You

No words I write can ever say

How much I miss you every day.

As time goes by, the loneliness grows;

How I miss you, nobody knows!

I think of you in silence,

I often speak your name,

But all I have are memories

And photos in a frame.

No one knows my sorrow,

No one sees me weep,

But the love I have for you

Is in my heart to keep.

I've never stopped loving you

I'm sure I never will;

Deep inside my heart,

You are with me still.

Heartaches in this world are many

But mine is worse than any.

My heart still aches as I whisper low,

"I need you and I miss you so."

The things we feel so deeply

Are often the hardest to say,

But I just can't keep quiet any more,

So I'll tell you anyway.

There is a place in my heart

That no one else can fill;

I love you so, Dad,

And I always will.

Author Unknown

Another year down....

Can someone please tell me that this next year will be better?? I have tried many times in the last few days to think of things that are truly positive from my 36th year and ya know other than having a great marriage and husband and a loving family I can't think of a damn thing... and thank god I have those things to be positive about!

I think of the babies I have sent to heaven, I think of my near breakdown and having to go on antidepressents, I think of all the crap that just feel so overwhelming and then as if I haven't had enough crap this past year I lose Teddi to. I know shes in a better place and she looked so very peaceful when we found her but god how I miss her.

I think of the future year and know that I am facing all the testing for recurrent pregnancy loss... will we get the solution to our issues or will we be told that I will never carry a baby... one of my hugest fears. I know we can adopt and its something we have both said, that regardless of whether we have a biological child or not, we would like to do. But damn it I want my turn; I want to feel my baby move, I want to hear a heart beat, I want the labour pains... I want the whole deal from start to finish!

I start my counselling FINALLY on August 27th.... god how I hope it helps me. I hope I can gain some insight into myself and why I think and feel the way I do.

I hope that we can have many happy times in this upcoming year. I hope next year I have nothing but good to say about my 37th year. I just am trying with all I have to simply have hope for the future!

Saying Good Bye....

Teddi

October 6, 1994- July 14, 2007

Time to Go
The time has come I think you know

the Lord is calling so I must go

I love you so much; I wish it wasn't so

I wish I could stay; I don't want to go

You're the best family a dog ever had

so kind and gentle, never mean or mad

I'll never forget the day that we met

I was so lucky to become your pet

You opened your door and showed me your heart

I'll never forget you; we'll never part

You loved me and cared for me over the years

you taught me everything and took away my fears

The Lord is calling now I must go

but before I go I want you to know

I know it hurts to lose a friend

but I'll always be with you even to the end.

Written by John Quealy

I would die for that....

I was hunting around at online at random and came across the link to this video. WOW does it ever describe how I feel!

Sent another angel to heaven :(........

Well the much dreaded happened and we have lost another baby. Here is a run down of the last few days....

Sunday Night

I felt like I was living a total nightmare! I went to the washroom and discovered I was spotting :( .. looks just like when things started with my other losses :( I was at work and there is nothing the hospital can do for me that time of night so I stuck it out at work til my ob opened in the am. I was so beyond scared its not even funny :( Jay is came to the house and spent the night here just incase things got bad

Monday Morning

I talked to my ob's nurse. They wanted me to go in to ER. I am having isolated left side pain and the spotting has now turned red... at this point they want to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. I did some research last night and I am exhibiting symptoms :( and meet the risk catagories as well :(
Iwas feeling so lost and numb... I don't know how to go through this again :(

Monday evening... home from the ER


I came from the ER and what a jerk the dr was.... very odd for the Misericordia.

Anyways he said that my uterus and tubes were totally empty and that either a) I am not pg ( even though it was a blood test by the dr that confirmed it) or b my dates are way off or c) I miscarried and didn't realize it.( um duh I think I would have noticed passing a seven week fetus)

Seriously I felt like hitting him. He was just so callous and didnt even bother coming all the way into my room or even look at me while he delivered the news.

We came to realize that there is a very real possibility that this is a chemical pregnacy and while physically its not as hard emotionally its still another slam.

I have an appointment with Dr.G tomorrow at one and we will see what he has to say. Jay and I have done a lot of soul searching and talking and have decided that we are going on hold for at least 6 months and perferably on bc to keep my cycles going somewhat regular and when we are ready we will try again

Finally today

So over all I feel MUCH better after talking to my own dr! He was very upset with how I was treated yesterday and will deal with it so yay.

as for me...
it is definately a miscarriage. The a$$ at the hosptial said my uterus was empty but he was WRONG! there was a sac... the position of it indicates that it could have still possibly been an ectopic so Dr.G is monitoring my hcg levels until they are at zero and then we move on to the next step. At this point he wants me to miscarry naturally and to avoid yet another d&c... he said as the next two weeks go by he will decide if we need to revisit the possibility of a d&c if the miscarriage doesnt progress. Once the miscarriage is over we move on to trying to discover why this is happening

He said all in all there are about 19 tests that will done... many of them blood work. I will be having an hsg and a uterine biopsy ( ow and ow lol) and those tests could be expanded based on results. Jay will be having bloodwork done too.

We are definately on hold for right now.... for how long is to be determined. I can't go on bc until all the testing is finished and I can't get pg til then at least either. That gives us a little more time to decide exactly how we want to prevent a pregnancy and for how long. I am going to take the time to refocus on me and to get back into the gym. Jay and I are going to just keep ourselves focused on saving and taking care of ourselves and see where it leads us. Dr.G would like me to lose some weight before we try again but was very nice about it... I figure this is a good chance to do that and had thought about it before I ever went to see him. he did also say due to my age he wouldnt like to see us go on hold for too long nad ideally we hould look at about 6 months.

So there we have it. I have so many mixed emotions about this loss. I am sad and yet feel numb to it. I know its happening but it doesnt seem real either if that makes any sense at all.

Happy 1st Birthday Sara-Lyn!!!

Then.....

And now.....

Well after months of trying we are finally expecting again WOO HOOO. By my calculations I am due Feb.4/08 and that makes me 6 weeks pregnant at this point... scarey because that is the stage we were at with our second miscarriage. Jay and I are feeling very positive this time and have decided that regardless we will enjoy this new little life growing in me for however long he/she stays with us. I have my first ultrasound on June 21 to make sure we are doing okay... so please say tons of prayers that we see a little heartbeat! Then I have my first prenantal appointment on July 9 and I start my appointments with the Diabetes specialist this Thursday and thats a very good thing because holyman are my sugars going CRAZY! We will obviously keep everyone updated as time goes along. I am also journaling specifically for just this pregnancy and everyone is of course welcome to come by and have a read the link is... http://www.babycrowd.com/jr/online/kelegr/

Excuse the mess...

yes we are remodeling again lol. This time we are experimenting with fonts and dividers so check back often to see how it all turns out :)

Happy 1st Birthday Jayda!!!!

Mmmmmmmmm........Yummy Cake!!!

What do beans, cottage cheese and timmies have in common.....

Our freaky animals love them lol. I had an odd supper tonight... brown beans and cottage cheese and the cats decided to investigate. I knew Taz like brown beans... what I didn't expect was the fussiest cat of all time eating cottage cheese lol. I have mentioned the new found love of timmies by the dogs before... tonight we just caught the proof on camera :)

Marie Grant

October 30, 1934- April 19, 1995

Your presence we miss, Your memory we treasure,Loving you always, Forgetting you never.
~ Author Unknown

Thinking of you today and Always mom! I love and miss you!

That is just not ok....

Saw this while i was surfing around and thought i would share it...lol

Ok i gave this thingy a whack.......

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Spring is in the air....

And with it comes time to get back into our walking routine! We took the dogs and headed out today and just enjoyed the fresh air... and I TOTALLY enjoyed walking in my sandles! I just hope the weather lasts... I am so done with winter!

I managed to get a shot of Jay and the dogs... aren't they cute :P

Thats about it for excitment around here lol. I am working an INSANE amount of hours and getting very little time at home these days... I think that month off was some kind of blessing from above so I would be rested enough to take on work for this month lol. And speaking of work I better tear myself away from here and finish our early supper of Spinach and Feta perogies before I have to go again... sigh !

Saw this...
On a friends blog and thought it looked like fun.... Whats your visual DNA?

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Oh yeah and I am still alive... jsut back to work and we all knows that means very little time at home :P

Its been a year
My Peanut Dear
Since you went away
I think about you everyday
And wonder why you couldn't stay
I know your safe in Jesus' arms
But I want you here with me
I see babies everywhere
And wonder who you'd be
A girl with daddies big blue eyes
A boy with a chin like me
I love you my little Peanut
And I know I always will
Rest in Heaven with your grandparents
And with little Trouble to
Until the day that Mommy and Daddy
Can make their way to you
written for Peanut one year after growing angel wings

Baby Kisses, toddler giggles and girl talk....

That about sums up my weekend :) I left on Friday on a trip to Calgary with Lynne. It was a real treat to get away and it was fantastic getting to see Carmen and the girls... and Dan to for the couple hours he was there :)

We had lots of fun with the girls and I saw many areas of Calgary when we were out adventuring. I can't believe how big both Sara and Hannah are getting and hearing Hannah call me Auntie Kerri for the first time just melted my heart.

All in all it was one of the BEST weekends I have had in a very long time... and how can it not be when you wake up to these beautiful smiles :)