Its been awhile.....
and so much has been going on. The latest big news is that I quit my job. It got to just be too much to handle and it jsut had to happen. After many hours of soul searching and talking to Jay and the family along with my counseller I have also decided to leave the rehab field. It may only be for awhile or it may be forever... I will just see where life takes me in the next few months.
In other news...
We have finally started the process for the recurrent pregnancy loss testing. It took a bit to get my guts up to go but its actually underway. I had all the bloodwork drawn and am being tested for everything imaginable... to the tune of 12 viles of blood! I have my HSG scheduled for Monday am so we will see if there is a structural problem with my uterus. We have yet to schedule the endometrial biopsy... Dr.G is tryign to decide the best way to get this one in becuase it has to be done at a certain point in the cycle and my cycles are crazy if not non existant but to get drugs to keep a month on track we could mask some of the possible issues. He wants to think about it and see what we get from the other results.
My counselling is progressing at a nice pace. I can not believe how hard it has been and yet how positive it has been. I am learning so much about myself and who I am to me. I have shed many tears and felt emotion so overwhelming it took my breath away and yet I keep going back. I have yet to start journelling but I know I need to.... there is so much I want to get out and for so many reasons its not okay to put it down here on the blog. On the advice of my counseller we are attending a monthly miscarriage support group and its been a very positive experience for both jay and myself...and it is helping us heal and move forward to hopefully trying again God willing. Also on the advice of my counseller I am reading The Complete ACOA Source book. I read chapter one... I haven't been able to go back to it. It was like the author was in my head. As things in my sessions progress I will try going to an ACOA meeting and to become involved ina journey of healing with others like me. I did try an ACOA chat room yesterday and it was an awakening experience as well.... these people I have never met are living my life inside my head inside my heart... what a sad connection! So the joureny will tough and I know I have mnay hard moments ahead of me... I just keep dreaming of the day I won't feel the overwhelming sadness and can heal some of the many wounds on my heart.
Okay... now that all that tough stuff is out on to the positives. Been seeing lots of the kids... got to make a quick trip to Calgary and let me tell you when the days are the darkest I pull on those memories and look at my pictures of all those little loving faces to help pull me through. So on that note I will sign off and leave you will some smiles :)
and so much has been going on. The latest big news is that I quit my job. It got to just be too much to handle and it jsut had to happen. After many hours of soul searching and talking to Jay and the family along with my counseller I have also decided to leave the rehab field. It may only be for awhile or it may be forever... I will just see where life takes me in the next few months.
In other news...
We have finally started the process for the recurrent pregnancy loss testing. It took a bit to get my guts up to go but its actually underway. I had all the bloodwork drawn and am being tested for everything imaginable... to the tune of 12 viles of blood! I have my HSG scheduled for Monday am so we will see if there is a structural problem with my uterus. We have yet to schedule the endometrial biopsy... Dr.G is tryign to decide the best way to get this one in becuase it has to be done at a certain point in the cycle and my cycles are crazy if not non existant but to get drugs to keep a month on track we could mask some of the possible issues. He wants to think about it and see what we get from the other results.
My counselling is progressing at a nice pace. I can not believe how hard it has been and yet how positive it has been. I am learning so much about myself and who I am to me. I have shed many tears and felt emotion so overwhelming it took my breath away and yet I keep going back. I have yet to start journelling but I know I need to.... there is so much I want to get out and for so many reasons its not okay to put it down here on the blog. On the advice of my counseller we are attending a monthly miscarriage support group and its been a very positive experience for both jay and myself...and it is helping us heal and move forward to hopefully trying again God willing. Also on the advice of my counseller I am reading The Complete ACOA Source book. I read chapter one... I haven't been able to go back to it. It was like the author was in my head. As things in my sessions progress I will try going to an ACOA meeting and to become involved ina journey of healing with others like me. I did try an ACOA chat room yesterday and it was an awakening experience as well.... these people I have never met are living my life inside my head inside my heart... what a sad connection! So the joureny will tough and I know I have mnay hard moments ahead of me... I just keep dreaming of the day I won't feel the overwhelming sadness and can heal some of the many wounds on my heart.
Okay... now that all that tough stuff is out on to the positives. Been seeing lots of the kids... got to make a quick trip to Calgary and let me tell you when the days are the darkest I pull on those memories and look at my pictures of all those little loving faces to help pull me through. So on that note I will sign off and leave you will some smiles :)
