Mind, Body and maybe a Baby...

I have had a few appointments this past couple weeks so figured I would throw them into one update :)

Hmm lets start with the mind... going not to bad :) I saw Dr.S today and he upped my Celexa to 30mg from 20mg. He thinks there are still a few risidual symptoms hanging around and he would like to see them go as well. We talked about my sleeping issues at night. He would like to see me try a sleeping pill BUT with my job I can't risk not waking up or being out of it if I do wake up should the clients need me and I think it would be to hard to take them only a couple days a week. With the increase in the Celexa I am hoping it will be what I need to get to sleep. Once asleep now I am okay... can just take me up to 2-3 hours sometimes to get there as my mind races and I get flashes of memories that remind me of a slideshow... he agrees witht he wait and see approach when I gave him my thoughts. We also talked a bit about me seeing a therapist and he totally agrees... what a shock lol. We chatted a bit about my issues and he thinks now that the Celexa is leveling out it would be a good time to start exploring everything. I do agree... I have said it a few times... but good lord I am terrified to make that first call. I know the meds are a bandaide and that I need to get to the true route of the depression... but there is still that little part of me that says eh.. you'll be fine. I know I am kidding myself, I know I need to make the call. Jay wants me to, Lynne wants me to,my friends want me to, my Dr's want me to... everyone I trust, love and respect is ttelling me to take that plunge and start. I know I have the support that I will need to get through whatever hell comes up in therapy, I know how much terapy has helped and continues to help people that I love... So why does it terrifiy me to much?!?!

Okay enough of that... on to the body LOL. I saw Dr.L my diabetes specialist and once again had an excellent check up. He said that the Celexa is the best choice for an antidepressent as far as the diabetes go... so woo hoo for that. However it does effect my sugars like CRAZY. I am having to drop my insulin amounts and have actually been able to eleminate some of my fast acting insulin at some meals because my sugars are saying so low... a good thing :) I will be in an adjustment process again as the new dose of Celexa starts effecting me... but hey in the end its worth it and low is WAY better than high. Ummm.. whatelse. Oh my blood pressure is still perfect 106/70 and quite frankly that always surprises me given family history... but hey I'll take the good stuff whenever I can get it. I also got my latest a1C results and I am now sitting at 5.7%... PERFECT numbers... not only for my health but for that of any future babies :) He's proud of me and so am I.

And finally maybe a baby... lol well the maybe means by the end of this month. I take my last dose of Clomid tonight and then its time to get busy and hope for the best lol. I have been doing lots of research and OMG the incidents of twins scares the crap out of me. Of course we would be thrilled if we ended up with twins... but I would quite happily settle for one extra sticky baby lol. I see Dr.G on Dec.4 to see if I actually ovualted or not this month and I would suspect a PG test and planning in the case of either no ovulation or pregnancy. I was sooooo scared the night I took my first pill. My hands actually shook opening up the little package. I know when the time is right we wil have a baby and I will carry to term but after 2 miscarriages this year I am gun shy and I am sure I will be super anxious for the first weeks of my next preganncy. I just have to keep reminding myself that I do everything in my power to protect and grow a little baby and the rest is in God's hands... I just wish this whole TTC journey so so much easier... not only for me but for all my friends who are going through this with me as well. Oh and Dr.G is quite happy with the Celexa to given at any point I could get PG so that also makes me feel better. He also made a notation in my file because while the miscarriages are not 100% the cause of my depression they are a part of it and as such puts me at higher risk for post partum depression.. WOO HOO. LOL... I say lets get PG and have a little one and cross that road if we must 10 months from now :)