Baby Kisses, toddler giggles and girl talk....

That about sums up my weekend :) I left on Friday on a trip to Calgary with Lynne. It was a real treat to get away and it was fantastic getting to see Carmen and the girls... and Dan to for the couple hours he was there :)

We had lots of fun with the girls and I saw many areas of Calgary when we were out adventuring. I can't believe how big both Sara and Hannah are getting and hearing Hannah call me Auntie Kerri for the first time just melted my heart.

All in all it was one of the BEST weekends I have had in a very long time... and how can it not be when you wake up to these beautiful smiles :)

Hanging out with Auntie Kerri and Nana Makes me sooo tired...

Going

Going

Gone

On to another round of Clomid...

We got the results of my lastest blood test today and once again I am not PG. Todays negative hit me really hard. I had the signs... I was so sure. I HATE the mind games I play with myself. 99% of the time I am ok and I can move foward with a positive outlook but today was just different. I don't know why the clomid didn't work this cycle when it did the last time. Dr.G is away so one of his partners reviewed my file and prescribed me the prometium I need to get things rolling so we can move forward. I hate it, I hate that my body is so screwed up.I know our time will come but right now that doesn't give me any comfort.

This time last year we were so happy. This time last year I had a tiny life living within me. This time last year I never dreamed of all we would end up going through on our journey to become parents. That happiness came to a halt on March 29th. We got up, we tried again, we succeeded to once again have that little one taken from us... a little one who should be joining the world in just a couple weeks. I think that's why todays negative hit me harder than the others. I was sure I would be pregnant by now, Dr.G was sure, heck I think everyone around me was pretty sure and yet here I sit wondering why and longing so badly for a baby to call my own.

Movies our new addiction....

So being off has allowed us lots of freedom to do what we want when we want. Its been nice. We have caught up on movies at home... SawIII, Carrie, Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood ( much to Jays chagrin lol), American Pie presents Band Camp... and others that I can't remember at this moment.

On top of those we have been to the theatre 3 times as well ( got to love airmiles all inclusive movie passes).

First we saw Premonition . Excellent movie. One that requires some concentration but over all we really liked it. It's one of those that I would like to see again because I know I missed stuff the first time around.

Based on many family recommendations we went to see Blood Diamond It has got to be one of the most disturbing movies that I have ever seen. We walked away just ill at the horrors that the movie portrayed and what these people are living through. One particular scene keeps playing over and over in my head...where Solomon wonders how his countrymen have turned against each other. It spoke volumes to the plight of all of those trapped by civial conflict. The violence was sickening, the terror was so realistic. Definately a movie that I want to add to my collection. If you haven't seen it I HIGHLY recommend that you do... it will change you forever.

Then today we headed off to see Wild Hogs we had, had a pretty crappy morning and Jay decided we needed a laugh... and boy did we laugh. What a great feel good movie. It was more than just a comedy. There was the tests of freindships, various levels of relationship issues, self discovery... it was a little of everything and well worth a trip to the theatre. I can still get myself chuckling when I think of some of John Travoltas scenes... just a hoot overall. So if you need a laugh or just need a pick me up go see it... I know you won't be sorry.

So we have 2 passes left and I have 10 more days off. We will likely go to at least one more show but we can't decide on what. We are leaning towards Zodiac but who knows what we will see. Anyone have any rcommendations????

Spoiled Cat....

So we bought the cats a new toy the other day when we were at dollarama. Very simple string attached to a bouncy plastic piece that goes over a door handle. They both love it. Tonight we were laying in bed watching Miami Ink and Taz was playing away... then he stopped and started to meow. Jay got up to see what his problem was and the string was caught up ... well Jay untangles it then comes back to bed and Taz goes back to playing. We know our furbabies are spoiled but in that moment we realized just how well they have US trained lol!

Kerri ( I used my proper name of Kerri-Lea ain't it great to be unique!)

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Jay

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 185 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Cradle Robber.....

Jay got ID'd today.... guess the chick thought he had a real baby face and that would make me old enough to be his mother EWWWWWWWWWWWW . I know he looks young but come on... I don't think he looks under 18 lol

In other news not much is happening. My WCB is processed and I got my first cheque today... woo hoo just in time to pay bills. I did discover that while I do fine walking around the house I don't do so well outside. I don't know if its the pressure from my shoe or what but looks like I will have to get out more and get my foot into shape. I still have a couple weeks of... 16 days of captivity left lol so there is time to get it ready for work again.

We are on bfp watch... so far so good this month. Blood test on Monday! Keep your fingers, toes and everything else crossed for us!

OK..so my grammer sucks...lol

Your Language Arts Grade: 95%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).
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Maybe those college English classes paid off after all...

Your Language Arts Grade: 93%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz

Long days and sleepless nights...

2 am and here I sit once again. I have had crazy awake hours since I have been off. I know I am not burning nearly enough energy but I also know that I have wayyyy to much time to think and that is just never a good thing.

I have so many thoughts of growing up and so many not so great memories. I am talking to Jay, I am talking to Lynne, I am talking to Kathy... all in the hopes that I can keep the memories from becoming overwhelming again. I so badly wanted to start the counselling. I hate that I have to wait until into April but who knows maybe there is a higher power at work directing my course better than I can ever hope to understand.

I am also trying to focus on positives. As I said in another post I am doing all sorts of baby product reviews, I am allowing myself to dream and to look towards the future. But I am terrified at the same time. It was March 10th last year that we got the news that I was pg for the first time. I will know with in the next 6 days If I am pregnant now. So I am trying to dream and I am trying not to dwell and get stuck on the negative thoughts that want to come with the anniversary of my first miscarriage.... how can it be nearly a year already. I will never forget that baby but I am ready to move on.

Why are the memories forcing themselves on me? Why can't Peanut stay at rest? Why do I let it all torture me this way? I know no one can answer those questions. I know I have to deal with all this crap on my own knowing that those that love me are there to support me. I know one day I can find peace and joy in my memories again. I just want it now. I want my peaceful oblivion back. I don't want the heartache and pain that comes with remembering. Yet here I am with all those who have gone before me and sadly I know some will follow me. I just want it all to go away!

Randomness...

Several posts to follow... just trying to break up subject matter to make reading a little easier :) And yes we redid the blog again... part of my cure of boredom lol

The Toe...

Only 23 days of captivity left lol. I am going sooooo stir crazy at home... never thought that would happen. I got a call from WCB today and my claim has been accepted....BUT theres issues. Of course there is issues its us we are talking about and it always seems we end up with a complication. Apparently they have not recieved the paperwork from the hospital or from my boss and until that happens theya re stuck. The adjudicator said he was going to call them today and ensure it gets sent in. He also was VERY confused about how my hours and rates of pay work. I think he understood after a 10 minute conversation... then he siad oh sorry I'm new and don't really know how to do this stuff. Well OH GOODY! At least he is on top of it and I know that one day soon... hopefully before the bills are due on the 15th... we will have some money. Oh and the toe is doing a bit better. I can function in the house with out my cane so thats a bonus. I have quite a bit of walking to do tomorrow so we will see how it holds up.

Planning for parenting....

In my boredom I have been spending ridiculous amounts of time online. I am for the most part looking at baby stuff and trying to find reviews on the various items that we are looking at purchasing. If anyone knows a Canadian base review site please let me know because on the sites I have found the produsts arew largly not available here and the stuff we have isn't reviewed on them. I ha.ve also found some fun online shopping places. We have had nursery bedding picked forever and at sears I could get just the bedding... well I found a place that has every possible matching accessory right down to drawer pulls ( perfect since we are redoing furniture).

Also on the baby front I have been researching breast vs bottle feeding and circumcision. WOW the strong opinions. Its amazing how people are so black and white. I know what we are going to do and those decsions won't be swayed by what I am reading but I can sure see how it coulds totally confuse someone who wasn't sure. I was quite tempted to jump into a conversation about howtaking my metformin would be like taking illicet drugs while breast feeding. Unfrickin real when metformin aside from helping my diabetes actually encourages my hormone levels to be normailized... thus possibly beinbg the only way I could even produce breast milk. Yeah... like I said black and white and I am glad that Jay and I have been able to come to our decisons based on our own research/expereinces and talking to my dr's.And speaking of parenting. I see Dr.G for a check up tomorrow so lets hope in the next few daays we are getting some good news. I will be happy if just the clomid continued to work but I know you can all wel imagine how estatic we would be to get that BFP!

Doggie Post Traumatic Stress Disorder...

We are at a loss with what to do for Buster. Quite awhile ago I posted how scared he is when we make shake and bake chicken. Well that has expanded to us putting any form of chicken in the oven. Its gotten so much worse since the night we had to be evacuated. I know that snuggling him probably encourages the behavior but a the same time we can;t let him get to worked up becasue he could have a seizure... what a mess. If anyone has any ideas please share them... sometimes it helps to hear from some one on the outside looking in.

I will make you pet me.....

Note from Buster: please excuse my need for a haircut but mommy and daddy just had to share what a big suck I am.... no laptop is taking over my rightful place

Back alley adventures, soft porn and new Timmies addicts...

Yes those are the three phrases I would use to describe my day today.

Lets start with back alley adventures... I needed a ride to WCB so I could get my claim started. I gave Al a call and he was working but heading downtown so it was a perfect chance for him to pick me up. Well to go with Al in the middle of a work day means you stay with Al til there is a chance to actually get dropped off again. Now I have seen many sides of the courier world... I have actually even worked some of it but today was like nothing I have ever seen. It amazed me how many alleys and odd shortcuts there are in downtown Edmonton. I knew Al was great at his job but it gave me a whole different insight... it was also neat to watch all the team work and the sharing of packages and trips between the various drivers and how they gather on the streets and dark allies to make their exchanges.

So after my adventures with Al I arrive home. Jay helps me get the laptop all set up so I could sit on the couch and play online while propping my foot. I am happily chatting away and I hear him exclaim " What the hell that is NOT Pac man". Lol he had gone to his Linux haven site and the link that was once a pac man game was now showing a woman stripping. He promptly got to work to get it off while I proceeded to laugh my ass off. It really tickled my funny bone. Good thing I am not one of those wives who freaks out about her husband looking at that sort of thing lol :D Jay says its not soft porn... I say any woman stripping for camera is lol.... but regardless its gone now and we can have a chuckle down the road thinking about it!

Well the evening progressed and I continued to laze on the couch. Jay makes a run to Esso and being the dear hubby he is brings me back Timmies. I was nearly done my coffee... it was getting on the cold side and the dogs were sniffing around so I thought fine I will show them and they will leave me be. Well I'll be damned if Buster didn't decide to try some and of course once he did Teddi had to to... and that little taste wasn't enough. They bugged to no result til I got rid of my cup lol. So now I not only have a chocolate eating cat... but coffee drinking dogs lol what a crazy group of animals.

On other fronts I have to cancel my counselling appointment for Tuesday which sucks... but right now I just can't give up 80 bucks when I am gonna be home for a month. And I will be HOME.... I spoke to my boss today and she prefers to not have me do anywork and to heal 100%. To quote her, she said" rest that foot and make babies" :).... shes awesome and once again I am reminded about how thankful I am to have found the company.... but man will I miss my boys and I am quite sure after a few days I am gonna go stir crazy! Jay did go buy my cane for me today and thats made a huge difference in walking around the apartment though I don't know quite how far I will adventure for a few days at least.

4 Weeks off....

well not totally off but no shifts actually with my clients for that long... why you ask??? Well last night I was tidying up one of the bedrooms and stubbed my toe on the clients bed. I heard a crack and but it didn't hurt all that bad. As evening went on it got worse and this morning I couldn't even stand on my left foot... so off to the ER I go and I broke my middle toe. Because of the nature of my job the dr said I can't work other than paperwork til March 30th. I am glad to get time to catch up on all of the paper side of my job... just wish it wasn't in quite so painful a way and in a way that will be hard on the clients and staff at the house. We were actually looking at seeing some daylight finanically by the end of March but thats blown out of the water now... BLERG. Oh Well just have to look on the positive side of sleeping snuggled up beside Jay for the next month.

Real friends send chocolate and H.P.T's

So I have a really good online friend named Melissa and today I went and picked up a goody pack from her :) We were chatting one day on our message board about the different chocolate bars here vs the states and I was quite jealous about some of the goodies that everyone else was talking about so Melissa said she would send some. And boy did she! I about died and went to heaven when I saw all the goodies and Jay is super excited about getting two big boxes of Dots.... one of his favorite treats from home. As a bonus she also sent some HPT's... all my TTC buddies are always dieing for me to P.O.A.S ( pee on a stick) but they are sooo freaking expensive here I rarely give in... so now I can :) :) I am already madly in love with the Peanut Butter Twix she sent. Jay said so what happens when they are gone... and I said I think I will have to cry lol.

Heres a snapshot of our goodies...



Thanks Melissa..... YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!

Last of the big time spenders....

It was a beautiful day out today so we decided to kill some time and walk down Stony Plain road and check out the various thrift shops and pawn shops. Its amazing how fast you can kill 4 hours just wandering around. We found some PERFECT furniture... an entertainment center and matching desks for a total of $270 so we are hoping they stick around for few weeks so we can gather the money up and worse case hopefully we can get at least the entertainment unit since our desks are just fine... they just don't match the new furniture we have been buying. Jay rolls his eyes when I say that... guess it must be a woman thing lol. As we went along we did make a few purchases.... 2 sleepers, 4 playtex bottles in new shape, a teeny tiny hoodie sweater, a mac part and a mac key board ( Jays pieceing together a mac computer) and we spent ( drumroll please) a whole whopping 5 bucks lol.

The aftermath of falling asleep at 7pm....

1. Waking up at 10pm
2. Eating supper at 11:45pm
3. A 1am junk food run
4. Walking the dogs at 1:15am then fighting to get Teddi back in because shes having fun
5. Playing Scrabble til 2:45am

Yeah so that was our evening. I got home after a 2o hour shift; chatted with Jay and then we decided to nap for just an hour... well that turned into three hours cause I turned the alarm off lol. Its now closing in on 3am and we are finally heading back to bed. Thank God I am off tomorrow and other than a run to the post office to pick up a parcel we have zero plans for a change.... hmmmm maybe we will nap :P

The incredible computer cat....

Or should I say brat. About a week or so ago now Jay gave me the laptop and he took over my computer ( I must say I loved that trade lol). Well Belle has decided it's her favorite place to hang out when we are in bed or not at home. She did this once or twice when it was on Jays desk... but now that its on mine its a whole new game. She hangs out and opens folders like crazy. She has opened my email or the interent, she has searched the hard drive...today I got home from work to discover that she had even managed to rename some folders on my desk top. Its too bad that we can't teach her how to use it properly... I just have to retrain myself to put the screen down lol before she puts a password or something on it :P

Appointments, appointments everywhere.....

So got off my butt and made a bunch of calls for appointments today LOL. I have a physio appointment for tomorrow to start getting my hip fixed, I see Dr.G on the 8th for a clomid Checkup and the biggiest news of all... I did it, I finally made a counselling appointment. I called the support network today and got a list of places. I picked Cornerstone Counselling Services and they were so super nice when I called. They reviewed my basic issues and matched me up with someone and I go the first time on March 6th. I am excited and scared to death at the same time. The only thing that sucks is the fees... even with the sliding scale I rate having to pay $80 a session... BLECK. Hopefully we can keep it down to 2 appoinment a month and that we should be able to swing. I'll keep ya updated as tome goes on.

Too Cute not to share.....
So we were out shopping for a wedding dress for Katy and between dress changes Sara decided she needed to try out Jayda's soother and I caught it on my camera phone... aren't they just adorable :) : :) And so are Lynne and Carmen... wouldn't you agree???

Happy Belated Valentines and other stuff....

Hope everyone had a great valentines day :) Our's was pretty quiet but good. We exchanged cards and I made one of Jays favorite suppers.... then we actually went out for supper last night since it was payday. We went to the Royal Fork Buffet... one of my favorites and Jay has never been. Supper was great and Jay enterained me to no end with his excitment over them having a hot blackforest dessert which he then topped with ice cream. I throughly enjoyed my supper but seeing his joy made it worth the bill 100% lol

Life otherwise is the same old same old. I have a cold and it TOTALLY sucks. I talked to the pharmacist yesterday and with all my medical issues and current medications I can't take anything. She said if I was desperate to clear up nasal congestion I could try saline nose drops.... EWWWW; so I am left to suck it up until it goes away or until it gets bad enough to rank a antibiotic... and hopefully it jsut goes away before that ever happens. I also have to go for physio on my right leg. I have been having all sorts of issues since I had my d&c in March. Finally it got bad enough for me to ask my Dr about it and he said that he thinks there is some bursitus (sp??) and that there is definate issues with the IT band... so I will have to call and get that set up and hopefully on time I will be able to cross my leg again or at least tuck it up when I am sitting on the couch.

On the baby front these isn't a ton going on. I am taking my 3rd round of clomid... and statistically thats supposed to be the best month for getting a BFP... so lets hope and pray thats the case for us. We did start working on a baby budget....and UGH lol. We made up a spread sheet of all the things we will need before a baby comes home and we have been hunting for prices to create the budget. We also decided to start shopping at little each payday even though I am not PG yet. We went the first time yesterday and spent a whole 15 bucks but walked away with recieving blankets, a blanket, face clothes, socks and baby spoons...can't complain about that. We won't be opening any packages and figure that if for some god forsaken reason we don't ever have a baby of our own that we can donate the items to some one who needs them but in the meantime we will have fun shopping and dreaming :)

On a final note our quest to eat healthier is still going great. We had McDonalds today for the first time in about 8 weeks and ICK lol. We have been craving it and everywhere we go we see it and smell it so we caved and went for a late lunch/early supper. Well it went fine for Jay... for me its sitting like a lump and I can't get the taste out of my mouth and its been a couple hours :P... probably gonna be a long long time before I cave and eat it again if ever lol

Not preganant...

the clomid did make me ovulate.... but no baby this month :(

Just need to whine....

Its not secret that Jay and I are "working" very hard at having a baby. I took my second round of Clomid this month and as a kick I temped too. Well it would appear that I had a perfect ovulation date and we decided for a RARE change to buy some hpts. Typically I just won't waste the money becasue I get the regular blood tests from my ob. Well we just didn't want to wait and since we had some extra cash we bought a three pack of Clearblue digitals... one of the best out there. So today was target test day... test one FAILED. Read the directions again... make double sure I am doing everything right and test again... FAILED. I shook my head and think what the hell and take out the third test...reread again and you guessed it it FAILED. I am soooooooo frustrated! I called Clearblue and they were super nice and are sending me out a replacement pack of tests. Thats just great but I want the answer NOW lol. So now we wait for either the hag to pay me a visit, the new hpts or two weeks at which time my ob will give me a blood test. Why oh why can't this just be easy for us :P

EVACUATION....

Well we just arrived home after a total building evacutaion last night! Apparently there was a small explosion up on the 9th floor that then sparked a fire. YIKES. As far as we know there are no injuries guess we will have to watch the news to see for sure as the news crews were out last night. We called Al and he came and rescued us and all the fur babies and we went to his house for a sleep over... talk about an adventure. Thankfully we have no damage however the water damage in the building is CRAZY. There are fire and disaster restortation crews working through the building to try and create some order again. There are many people still displaced due to thier suites being damaged and that has got to totally suck. We are safe, the babies are safe and our stuff is safe. It sure gave us a wakeup call for getting tenants insurance... we always mean to but never get around to it... but after 4 fires in the building ( though none as bad as this one) in 6 months its time to do it just incase we don't come out so lucky next time.

Do you ever feel like you are getting a sign????

I think I just got smacked with one lol. First a tiny bit of background...

I have been really struggling with putting my trust in God for a very long time. I do believe that there is a higher power... but some days its just hard to understand why bad stuff happens. I have had a very hard time praying and turning my troubles over instead of worrying.

Additionally you all know I am struggling with depression. My meds are working great but I have such a fear... total and utter fear of seeking counseling. I know I need to, I know I can't rely on the drugs forever. I know it will help me... yet I am avoiding it at all costs.

So the sign....

Its nothing new that I love to read... its one of my favorite past times. Well for weeks now a book has been catching my eye at the library... but it was book 3 in a 4 book series and none of the other books were in sight. I saw this same book at several of the libraries we go to as well. Then on my last trip all 4 of them were there so I of course had to take them out.

Book one was touching, book 2 started me thinking this was some sort of sign and well book three was my life... from struggling to trust in God, to left over grief issues from parents, to depression to avoiding counselling... it was me in print. I just felt so relieved after reading it if that makes sense, my heart felt lighter and for the first time since I lost Trouble I actually prayed and was able to just drift off to sleep.

Yup I still have issues and who knows maybe book 4 will address them cause the other 3 sure did lol. I know I can't put off seeking out counselling and trying at least 2 appointments won;t kill me... right ???? I really do want to get back to church too... we can only go every other week because of work but at least its a start. So if it was fluke that I found them then so be it. But I truly feel like I was meant to read those books... so whoever sent me to them Thanks :)

Beans Beans the magical fruit...

So we experimented tonight and YUMMMMMMMMM. We are still very focused on eating healthier and I decided I wanted to make chili but wanted to try a new style... so off to google I went. We chose this Veggie Vegetarian Chili and boy did it turn out good. We altered slightly based on the comments of people that had made it and I got brave and actually used part of a jalepeno pepper... next time I will use a whole one ;) Its definately now in our list of repeat reciepes... this healthy eating stuff is getting kinda fun :)

Do you recognize this lip.....

So Al came over for a visit and a haircut tonight. We got chatting about his beard and mustache and his debate in shaving them off. Soooo before he had time to really think about it we DID it... 27 years since he has been totally clean shaven. He looks great...but feels naked lol. Heres the pics

Before....

After....

A bit of babble....

not a ton going on... but thought I would update everyone anyways :) Jay and I are still doing great with our eating. I have been measuring our food and wow what a difference. We are both totally satisified and its making a big difference in the food stock too lol. I had a super long day at work yesterday( all day hours) so I had to preplan everything I was going to take with me... and wow it was quite a reminder of how important planning can be. I had to plan so carefully when I was first diagnoised and working crazy hours... but then I switched to nights and got lazy. Yesterday I felt like I was eating all day, I stayed totallay satisified AND I stayed at the low end of the range that my dietican set up for me. Definately gonna have to keep that up.

In this renewed motivation of eating healthy I am searching for good snacks. I bought some of the thinsations to try and man are they yummy. I will totally be buying them again and recommend them to everyone as a nice sweet treat.

On the baby front... I start round 2 of my clomid tomorrow. Dr.G doubled my dose so we are crossing our fingers that it does the job and that we are getting our very own specail valetime this year... I will of course let you all know once we know ;)

I'll leave you with some qutoes I found. They are great for us for our resolutions this year but I think they also can be applied to any situtation that is important to you :) ...

"Instead of giving myself reasons why I can’t, I give myself reasons why I can”. -Unknown Author

“Some succeed because they’re destined; others succeed because they’re DETERMINED.” - Anon

“There are only 2 choices; make progress or make excuses.” - Ellen Mikesell

“I can’t change what happened yesterday, but I can affect what happens tomorrow” - unknown

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit”. -- Aristotle

So the online tests aren't overly accurate... but they are fun. CHeck it out and see how you do. Jay will post his score later :) I think I did not to bad on only a few hours sleep and a few guesses lol

Resolution Check In...

Well a few days in and yay us. So far so good we are staying on track with our plan to eat healthier. It was a VERY long day yesterday and it would have been sooooo simple to just stop and grab some crappy food but we resisted. We instead stopped at M&M and bought a quick to prepare but healthy supper and felt good about it after.

I have joined efforts with a few of my online buddies and that has been great motivation. As part of that I am logging my food and I am either staying on the low side of what my dietician wants me to eat... or not meeting the minimum's. I am gonna have to make an effort to plan better and get some snacks in to make sure I am eating what I need to... not enough isn't perfect but hey its still way better than over eating.

Our house looks so bare...

While I slaved at the computer and got some much needed paperwork done today Jay took down our Christmas stuff. It never ceases to amaze me how bare and plain everything looks when all the glitz and tackiness of Christmas is gone. Its a reminder that life is back to normal... if you can call it that and always leaves me wishing that the season was jsut a little longer and that we would all continue to make that extra effort to see one another. Through the year the intentions are always there but life gets in the way...

Holy Motivation batman!!!!!!!!!

Last night Jay and I watched "Super Size Me" . It scared the CRAP right out of us! I was shocked, appalled and just stared at the TV in utter amazement at what we have been doing to our bodies. It was the PERFECT movie to watch on our first day of recommitment to healthier eating... I will NEVER look at McDonalds the same again. We highly suggest that everyone watch this movie.

So what are your resolutions? Jay and I are mostly working on joint goals for the upcoming year. We want to build on what we have already been doing and increase our focus on key areas...

1) Health- Since last January when I was diagnosied with the diabetes we have made lots of changes to our diets. Initally we followed my plan from the dietican to a tee... well we started slipping back into some of our old ways though overall we still were eating much healthier. We are going back to that original plan and we are also going to be investing in the Leisure center monthly passes so we can start hittng the gym and hopefully I can also drag him kicking and screaming to some aquasize classes ;) With getting back to re-emphasizing the diet and excersice I am sure some weight loss will follow...and that will be great but our main purpose is to just be healthier over all and to maintain even tighter control over the diabetes for when I do finally get PG again

2) Money- ah the bain of our existance. Considering we are a single income family we are doing pretty good. However the more we have thought about future Mat Leave time the more we have realized we need to bank some bucks... just to allow me to have more time at home with our future child. So we will be looking at our budget and figure out what we can put aside each month. I think we will also do some side stuff like saving change , returning pop bottles, etc just to boost the totals up without putting money away persay.

3) Organization- Again this has been an ongoing project :) Jay has really helped me par down all the stuff I have packratted away over the years. We want to continue the trend and also go through the mounds of paper we have and actually file it away in an organized easy to use manner.

4) On a personal level I want to seek out counselling. I know I have talked about this lots but I think I am finally ready. My meds have me leveled out and we have made it through the holidays. For the sake of myself and for those around me I want to do this but more importantly I want to do this BEFORE I have a child so that I can be the best parent possible... and I think leaving all my demons behind will certainly help that

So not a ton of stuff... and really things we were already doing. We just want to really refocus ourselves and make 2007 an even better year :)

The last year in Review...

So long 2006....

And not a MINUTE to soon I say !!!!

Its been quite the year begining with my diabetes diagnosis in January. I am happy that things are under control now but holy its been an adventure getting there.

We faced the loss of two babies. I thought after losing Peanut I would lose my mind... and then it happened again 5 months later when we lost Trouble... it didn't seem fair and still doesn't seem fair. I had hoped we would be PG again by now but apparently thats not God's plan for us quite yet... GRRR. I know when the time is right we will have a little one to call our own but as I have said before I want my turn NOW... I am tired of waiting.

On the plus side we welcomed 3 beautiful babies to our family this year. That in itself makes 2006 worthwhile... how can such a blessing not be worth putting up with the rest of the crap! :)

As a couple Jay and I have grown stronger... with the adversity we have faced it could have been disasterous for our young marriage but instead we have triumphed and I am so proud of us for that.

We had lots of fun adventures with each other and with our families. We made memories that will last us a life time!

We said goodbye to Shorty and welcomed Ben and Jerry home and have endless of hours of entertainment with the rest of our furbabies.

I got my promotion at work. And while it challenges me to no end I still love my job and couldn't have picked a better agency to work for.

We bought NEW furniture which was incredibly exciting for us lol. Nothing like getting a good nights sleep on a super comfy bed :) AND eek talk about making one more step to a permanent commitment going into debt together.

All in all this year has been one endless adventure. The good, the bad, the ugly... this journey we call life. Yup 2006 was quite the year... but I am more than ready to welcome 2007 and start fresh with a new attitude and I look forward to many new adventures and memories !

New years resolutions blog style.....

Mine

1) Get a pet pony 2) Eat more cotton candy 3) Travel to Costa Rica 4) Study time travel 5) Get in shape with bowling

What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be?

Jay's

1) Get a pet pony 2) Eat more Cheetos 3) Travel to Sweden 4) Study fashion design 5) Get in shape with whitewater rafting

What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be?

UT OH... not a good sign that we both have get a pony on our resolutions. Think we should add one to our zoo???? LOL

Its Beginning to smell a lot like Christmas....

WOO HOO the Christmas baking is done :) We had a fun filled night making our goodies and listening to christmas tunes.. boy life sure is better as a couple. It makes the process easier as far as the workload and cleaning up... but its also nice to have the memories and the fun of working together

Didn't we do a good job ;)

I also tried out the electric cookie press that I " inherited" from Lynne this summer :) It actually was pretty easy to use once I figured it out...but I fear a monster may have been created cause now I want to play with it and figure out all the neat things it can do lol. I think they look pretty good...

We also made up butter tart squares ( a must have hey Katy ;) ) and I attempted in making Maple Fudge for the first time... I'll have to let ya know what Steve thinks of it :)

Yawnnnnnn time to crawl into bed and snuggle while we drift off to sleep with dreams of cookies in our heads :)

Come onnnnn Mom Drop the cookies......

Open Mouth Insert Foot....

So ever have those moments where its like D'oh can't believe I said that. Well I had one tonight lol. We went to a nativity display at one of the local churches. It was beautiful... over 300 different scenes of all shapes and sizes imaginable. Well we came across this one....

And standing in the middle of a church sanctuary I blurt out..." Oh my God I would so kill to have that set"... well some little old lady looked at me and says " I hardly think you would kill" I wanted to be swallowed up by the earth and what does my husband do but look a the old lady and say " oh don't be so sure she wouldn't kill for one"... SMACK lol It was entertaining at least :P

We also grabbed a few shots of other displays that were neat

There was the lego one... VERY original

Of course one more Precious Moments one...

And then we thought this one was amazing. Its hard to see the details because of the way it was set up but we took a couple different angles. ..

Hey Cliff.....

We went strolling down Candy Cane Lane tonight and a few yards caught our eye and we thought of you :) So we of course had to take pictures to share :) The of course look better first hand but these shots give ya the basic idea...

Jay and I thought you might have something like this one but we weren't sure...

OMG these reindeer first hand were adorable.. the pic is a litte dark though so you can't see thier goofy faces...

The pic really doesn't do this arch justice... it was so bright and sparkly...

These penguins are quite hidden by the bushes which it too bad because this is the best shot of them we were able to get...

PHHHHT.....

Well went for my planned PG test yesterday and it was negative. I was actually surprised to hear that this morning. I have had some symptoms but I guess it was me doing it to myself because I wanted to be PG so badly. I hate that my body is still continueing to screw up. I hate that I let myself begin to get excited when I swore I wouldn't do that to myself. I hate that it is so damn hard to get PG. I know in a day or two I will feel better again and be all raring to go... guess I just need a little wallow time :(

Dr.G had said if I didn't get PG this cycle he was putting me back on prometrium and upping my clomid dosage the next time around. God willing the higher dosage works and we will be starting our new year off witha BFP.

You Are a Tree

You love every part of the holidays, down to the candy canes and stockings. And you're goofy enough to put a Christmas tree ornament on your tree!

What Christmas Ornament Are You?

Woo Hoo...well i'm in the right place to be a snowman lmao

Oh Christmas Tree....

Well we did it... we conquered the annual task of getting the tree up and OMG it was so hard to not be my mother lol. I remember how she used to sit back and tell us exactly what to do... well I left Jay to the lights while I unpacked the ornaments and every once in awhile I would look up and start to say something and catch myself and stop lol. It gave us a both a good laugh and we had fun remanising about putting up our trees as we were growing up. Its so much fun to be building all these new memories and I can't wait til we have our own kids to begin forming traditions with. Ok heres some pictures of this years art........

The Tree obviously lol

We found the perfect baby angels for Peanut and Trouble

And we just had to buy this one for ourselves... ain't it cute :)

14 days til christmas....

Holy cow where has the month gone... time just moves WAY to fast these days. We have had a busy week yet again.... and did more shopping too. We are down to one present other than each other left to buy... heck we even have everything wrapped. I don't think I have ever been this far ahead of the game ever lol. We have all the Christmas stuff hauled upstairs and will be doing our decorating tomorrow and the last task is getting the Christmas cards mailed out on Friday. Then of course we need to go buy the stuff for Christmas dinner but thats a whole different ball of wax. I am so used to baking for the whole family but this year I won't be with everyone... hmm maybe I can just send care packages everywhere :) that would actually be fun :)

We did hit the Butterdome craft sale TWICE and of course spent too much money. We hit the fudge booth and WOO HOO they had diabetic fudge... I do have my insulin figured out for regular treats but its nice to just be able to grab a little piece without having to worry and boy is it ever yummy. We also got an ornament for our tree... that will become an annual tradtion :) We also bought the cutest little angels for Peanut and Trouble... just something little to remember their little spirits with at this special time of year and every year.

We had a FANTASTIC time on Friday night at my work party... its great to see all of our families together with all of the clients the staff spend so much time with... really helps to keep everyone connected :) We enjoyed a good music, good times, good food and of course a visit from Santa...

Our latest week ended up with spending time with Lynne, Katy, Steve and and then later on Cliff. As always we love our time spent with family... and thanks to Steve we spent more money we didn't need to when he lured us into the best dollar store in the city lol... oh the pressure to shop. We did get a few new Christmas things and bought the cutest Santa hats for the dogs... they modeled them tonight but we didn't subject them to picture taking YET... that can wait til Christmas day lol.

Finally a big congrats to Drinda and Ed for giving us our first Great-Nephew... welcome to the family Thomas James :) :)

Thats about it for now... one week til testing to see if we are getting our Christmas wish.

Ok This Name I Like...LOL

Your Elf Name Is...

Booty Helper

What's" Your Elf Name?

Ewww I don't like Mince meat LOL....

Your Elf Name Is...

Stubby Mince Meat

What's Your Elf Name?

So what's your elf name???

Our Christmas list this year....

Twos
Things you learned this year:
1. That the tough stuff is easier to take with a loving spouse by your side.
2. That faith gets you through the darkest hours

People you met:
1.Dr.Lim- My Diabetes Specialst... thatnks to him I am getting better everyday :)
2. Dr. Gleason... my OB/GYN who made one of the worst experiences in my life a little easier to get through
( this catagorey gets more lol )
3. Jayda... one of my adorable great nieces :)
4. Sara-Lyn... another great niece :)

Things you don’t want to take with you into 2007:
1. My bitterness about my miscarriages
2. My overall sadness about things from my past

Things you want to hold close as you pass into 2007:
1. Jay
2.The beauty of watching my great nieces grow

Things you’re looking forward to in 2007:
1. pregnancy
2. moving to a bigger apartment

Things that were life changing in 2006:
1. My Miscarriages
2. my promotion at work

Things you hope to accomplish by the end of 2007:
1. parenthood
2. Getting a car back on the road

One of my blogging buddies tagged all her readers so now I am tagging mine. I like how the questions make to stop and reflect on the past year :)

Baby making is becoming a science...

I really didn't think it would be so difficult to have a baby. Theres no sense to it... theres no logic... its one of those things that we have to deal with and in the end I guess all of our struggles will make the pay off all the more worth while... RIGHT?? lol

I saw Dr.G today... note to self to never go to an appointment with him with out shaving my legs first lol. Anyways he checked out my ovaries because the Clomid I am taking can cause cysts and so far so good ... no cysts WOO HOO. If I am not PG then any day now I should be getting a visit from good old AF... but thats ONLY if I ovulated with the current dose of clomid. Now if AF doesn't show then we have a plan... 2 weeks from today I get a PG test done and if its positive well the celebrating can begin if its negative then he will give me the prometrium again and we start a new cycle. He gave me to refills of the clomid at my current does... if I ovulated then we stay on that does... if we have to induce a cycle then he will up my dose. then I see him again the cycle after next.

Its so much to keep track off... and so many days to count to make sure I am doing the right thing at the right time. Its wishing, wondering and hoping. Its trying to convince myself that when its my turn it will be and all will be okay. Its trying to not get my hopes up to much so that I don't end up devestated if I am not PG this time around. Its trying to not over analyze every little sign that could mean pregnancy. Argh its frustrating... I want a baby now; I am tried of waiting! I just want my turn... is it really so much to ask for???

So I know I posted earlier but...

LOL I didn't really give an update so here's our excting lives these days. Um me working... Jay hanging out at home. Both of us window shopping.. and then shopping for all of the stuff we planned to buy for gifts this year. This past week we headed out and our first stop was Superstore.. EXCELLENT toy prices there and boy its fun to shop for toys again :). We left Superstore and had to head over to Micheals ( Yes home made gifts for some people again this year ;) ) and Chapters and since it was a nice day and we could see Terra Losa center from the Superstore parking lot we figured it was prolly just as easy to walk as it was to wait around for a bus so off we head. UGH what an adventure that turned out to be... the direct route we saw was not so direct and then we discovered there weren't any sidewalks and had to tromp through the snow.... we had quite the adventure to say the least but it was all fun and after the exercise we decided to treat ourselves to Starbucks lol. Then onward and upward to finish MOST of our shopping. It feels good to say its pretty much done and the couple things we have left to grab we already have planned so its a quick trip to the mall.

The coffee table is craft central right now lol... but can I just say how AWESOME it is to have a hubby thats crafty too! Its great to have the help making gifts and so much fun working together too. We have the Christmas tunes going and we are singing along and having a great old time.

So thats the exicting update... aren't you thrilled lol. In the upcoming days we have a few things going on...the biggest being my OB appointment on Monday afternoon. Dr.G wants to do blood work to see if my dose of Clomid worked causing me to ovulate and will likely do a pregnancy test at the same time just incase... we will also be planning incase the bloodwork comes back that I didn't ovualte with the current dose of Clomid. Once I have results I'll be sure to let everyone know. Then Tuesday-Wednesday I have a 21 ( yes 21) hour shift at work after which I will be going to do our HUGE monthly shop for work... UGH Superstore 2 times in one week is not my idea of a good time( we went for ourselves today)... lol at least on Wednesday I get paid for it lol. Thursday is year marked to get our tree and house decorated, Friday is my big Christmas party for work, Saturday is the Butterdome Craft Sale, Sunday I plan on dieing on my hours off from work then we end up at next Monday and my team Christmas party for work... at the tail end of an 18 hour shift WOO HOO. Its gonna be a hectic week but for the most part I am looking forward to it :)

We are also going to try somehting new this year... the ETS Light Tour ... lol a great way to see all the pretty Christmas lights around the city without a car. We will have to let you know how that goes too.

Well I guess thats about it for now... unless I think of something later :P

Ok here's what i got for the quiz....lol

You Are a Self Help Book!

While your advice is not always welcome...It's always right on target.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

ACK 23 days til Christmas....

Where has the year gone???? We are pretty much finished with Christmas shopping... only 4 small things left to pick up and then we get to shop for each other lol. We decided to have a little fun with the blog and switch the blinkies and background out to Christmas based ones and the song to a fun carole :) We have a few quizzes we will be offering up too so I hope everyone joins us in checking them out... The first one is " What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You" lol. This one is mine... Jay will be along later to add his and to finish updating the blog :)

You Are a Christmas Sweater!

Over the top, colorful, and totally flashy. You're not afraid to be a little tacky.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

I saw this posted on one of my many sites that I visit and decided to share it here. It might not be Thanksgiving in Canada but the words of the message are still very powerful. Thank you God for my thorns!

This is a wonderful story... enjoy...share with everyone...

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her Birkenstocks when she pulled open the florist shop door, against a November gust of wind. Her life had been as sweet as a spring breeze and then in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a "minor" automobile accident stole her joy. This was Thanksgiving week and the time she should have delivered their infant son. She grieved over their loss.Troubles had multiplied. Her husband's company "threatened" to transfer his job to a new location. Her sister had called to say that she could not come for her long awaited holiday visit.THEN! Sandra's friend suggested that Sandra's grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder. "Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered. "For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life, but took her child's?"

"Good afternoon, can I help you?" Sandra was startled by the approach of the shop clerk. "I.... I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra."For Thanksgiving? Do you want the beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the 'Thanksgiving Special'? I'm convinced that flowers tell stories," she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?""Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong."Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

Then the bell on the door rang, and the clerk greeted the new customer,"Hi, Barbara...let me get your order." She excused herself and walked back to a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and what appeared to be long-stemmed thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped: there were no flowers."Do you want these in a box?" asked the clerk.Sandra watched for the customer's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers?She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed. "Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again." She said, as she gently tapped her chest. Sandra stammered, "Ahh, that lady just left with, uh.... she left with no flowers!"

"That's right, said the clerk. "I cut off the flowers. That's the "Special"". I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet.""Oh, come on! You can't tell me someone is willing to pay for that!" exclaimed Sandra."Barbara came into the shop three years ago, feeling much as you do, today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had just lost her father to cancer; the family business was failing; her son had gotten into drugs; and she was facing major surgery.""That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk. "For the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too much debt to allow any travel.""So what did you do?" asked Sandra."I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly."I've always thanked God for the good things in my life and I NEVER questioned Him why those GOOD things happened to me, but when the bad stuff hit, I cried out, "WHY? WHY Me?!" It took time for me to learn that the dark times are important to our faith! I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of my life but it took the thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort! You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to comfort others." Sandra sucked in her breath, as she thought about the thought that her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is, I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."

Just then someone else walked in the shop. "Hey, Phil!" the clerk greeted the balding, rotund man. "My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement...twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator."Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously."Do you mind telling me why she wants a bouquet that looks like that?""No... I'm glad you asked," Phil replied. "Four years ago, my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we trudged through problem after problem. The Lord rescued our marriage. Jenny, here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she had learned from "thorny" times. That was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give thanks for what that problem taught us. As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life." Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too...fresh.""Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that the thorns make the roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Don't resent the thorns."Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on her resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out."I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute.""Thank you. What do I owe you?""Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me." The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first."It read:My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant."Praise Him for the roses, thank Him for the thorns

Pictures of our new bedroom stuff....

The nightstands

The dresser The BEST thing... our new bed
Our next project is to buy new bedding... the multicolor blue just DOES NOT do the job anymore lol. We are thinking a sage green or maybe a multicolor green... what do you think??

Merry Early Christmas to Us!!!!!!!!!!!

and OMG are we exticted. Ever since we bought our living room furniture we have been on the hunt for a bedroom set. And with every payment we made we would look around at the bedroom sets. Some have been too expensive or cheap looking or just not what we would like. Well today we walked in and hit a sale and fell in LOVE with a bedroom set... its being delivered on Saturday WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Its a Cherry wood set ( that seems to be the theme happening in our house lol) and its soooo pretty and grown up looking lol. The only sucky thing is they only had one nightstand so they have to order us the other one and it can take up to 8 weeks... but hey after 20 + years of mixed matched bedroom furniture whats another 8 weeks. I have to admit though that while we are looking forward to the furniture itself the actual BED is the BEST thing... its a Queen size Sealy Pillow Top.... sighhhhhhhhhhh I can't wait to try that baby out on Saturday night. From the time I reached my full hieght I have NEVER owned a bed that my feet don't hang off of... as of Saturday we will. Yippeeeee :) The best part is the great price we have... our payments are equal to the raise I just got so its not going to hurt our budget at all. LOL when we walked out of the store I looked at Jay and said Merry Christmas and he laughed at me but agrees . It will be small stuff for each other this year again but hey... sleeping on a nice new comfy bed makes it all worth it :)

Midnight Excitement....

So why can't our lives be boring lol. We were sitting on the couch watching the last bit of Law & Order SVU and the fire alarm goes off. Jays looks at me and says at midnight... lol like there is a good time of day to have a fire. Well as fast as they started they turned off so he went to the lobby to see what was going on and I waited... hmm whats that I hear but the fire fighters talking... they were in the basment and their voices were travelling through the garbage chute. I hear 16th floor has smoke then we don't know where its coming from... and I am like okay time to gather the animals. Well the last time we had a fire in the building they all FREAKED. This time they actually stayed pretty calm but man were they all my instant shadows as I moved through the apartment. We gathered the cats and dogs... took the cats and tossed them in the car adn took the dogs for a walk... and waited and Jay nosed about upstairs in the lobby gathering information and I hung out by the basement doors with the dogs. Eventually it came down to the fire department leaving and not knowing for sure what happened... though we all smelt the smoke so something burned. I am glad this evacutation went way smoother than the last one... I forgot my insulin, Jay got scratched all to hell, we didn't grab a cell phone... just bad... this time we had all of those things and still got out reasonably quick and we kept our wits about us and I think the animals sensed it. We definately need to buy a good sized cat carrier that Belle and Taz can share to make things easier. We also made the choice to leave the birds in the apartment. We were both pretty confident that things were okay and the building wasn't going to burn... and taking them out in -15 would have likely killed them... what a tough decison though. Thank God it all turned out okay.

I have to say too that in all my years living in the complex as a kid and now living here with Jay I have only heard the alarm 3 times... and all three times there has been fire. Its nice to know that it can be taken seriously so that we don't become immune to the sound of them ringing.

Well off to bed. Its been a hellishly LONG day and this is certainly not how I expected to have my day end lol. Nighty night :)

Putting Nana and Papa on notice....

Okay so Jay and I spend alot of time out and about... tons of times on busses and in malls and OMG are teenagers ever annoying. Now I know my nieces and nephews were not perfect but they all were pretty damn good teens... but the ones we see ICK if I was their parent I would have to kill most of them. We were watching a particularily bad group of kids on the LRT the other day and our conversation ended up something like this

I said "can we just lock our kids up for the teen years"

Jay says "Hmm don't think it works that way"

I say "Nope but it sure would be good to avoid problems like that"

Jay says "Well thats what granparents are for"

I say " hmmm yup especially if they have a back 40 and a horse barn"

So Nana and Papa (aka Lynne and Cliff) heres what we came up with... Jay and I will keep our future children for 13 years... then you can have them till they are 21 and ready to go out into the world and we will take them back.

What do ya think... sounds like a perfect plan to us lmaoooooooooooo :P

Adventures in the snow...

and OMG do we have sore legs.

As you all know I got a promotion at work. Well one of my duties as the TL is making sure that the house is stocked with groceries. Well I did our huge shop at the begininng of the month... 4oo bucks at a store where you bag your own groceries UGH... and when I was done one of the staff came and got me... great to have a ride and the help to get the stuff home... especially since it was snowing like crazy that day.

Well yesterday comes and I am going on 2 days off and I realize that we need some stuff... not a lot but enough to justify a trip to the grocery store. Well we got snow yesterday ALL DAY we got snow snow and um yeah more snow. And under those fresh huge piles of snow are ridiculous sheets of ice. NOT FUN to walk in. Not fun at all... but got to do what you got to do... and before I did it I texted Jay and said hey hunny... and of course he came to help me :) So on the bus... walk... try not to slip and break our necks ( been there done that don't want to do it again lmao) .. shop... walk again trying to avoid falling... get the bus.. drop the stuff off and finally head for home. Cold and exhusted... to get up and do it ALL over again today

Well a little different today but the bus... walk... avoid falling... walk yeah pretty much the same. Had to go see my family Dr then I had to get my flu shot and the only west end drop in clinic was ina little out of the way seniors center...UGH. Buy hey we got it done and I am protected. Left there and head to the Westmount Transit center to catch the ONLY bus that goes to Costco... UGH again...I had to make a trip to Costco for one of my guys... they sell the only pancake mix he can eat. Not fun but for him worth it :) So we get there early... we are both starving so we go into the mall and low and behold whats there...a FLU CLINIC. ARGH I could have had one there since I was going to be there... WAH lol. Anyways had lunch then got the bus... took the wierdest route possible I am sure to Costco... then had the joys of trying to get across the street without dieing...shop ... snow...ice.. avoid falling... LONG bus ride to a transist center and then freeze... shiver BRRR feeling like we are dieing waiting for the bus that will take us home.

And we get to do it all over again tomorrow when we go get my cheque and we shop for home... ahhhhh the joys of adulthood and responsibilities lol. And yep I might be whining some but watching all the accidents and issues people had with driving I looked and Jay and said "yup this is a pain in the ass... but driving in that would be worse" lol :)

Mind, Body and maybe a Baby...

I have had a few appointments this past couple weeks so figured I would throw them into one update :)

Hmm lets start with the mind... going not to bad :) I saw Dr.S today and he upped my Celexa to 30mg from 20mg. He thinks there are still a few risidual symptoms hanging around and he would like to see them go as well. We talked about my sleeping issues at night. He would like to see me try a sleeping pill BUT with my job I can't risk not waking up or being out of it if I do wake up should the clients need me and I think it would be to hard to take them only a couple days a week. With the increase in the Celexa I am hoping it will be what I need to get to sleep. Once asleep now I am okay... can just take me up to 2-3 hours sometimes to get there as my mind races and I get flashes of memories that remind me of a slideshow... he agrees witht he wait and see approach when I gave him my thoughts. We also talked a bit about me seeing a therapist and he totally agrees... what a shock lol. We chatted a bit about my issues and he thinks now that the Celexa is leveling out it would be a good time to start exploring everything. I do agree... I have said it a few times... but good lord I am terrified to make that first call. I know the meds are a bandaide and that I need to get to the true route of the depression... but there is still that little part of me that says eh.. you'll be fine. I know I am kidding myself, I know I need to make the call. Jay wants me to, Lynne wants me to,my friends want me to, my Dr's want me to... everyone I trust, love and respect is ttelling me to take that plunge and start. I know I have the support that I will need to get through whatever hell comes up in therapy, I know how much terapy has helped and continues to help people that I love... So why does it terrifiy me to much?!?!

Okay enough of that... on to the body LOL. I saw Dr.L my diabetes specialist and once again had an excellent check up. He said that the Celexa is the best choice for an antidepressent as far as the diabetes go... so woo hoo for that. However it does effect my sugars like CRAZY. I am having to drop my insulin amounts and have actually been able to eleminate some of my fast acting insulin at some meals because my sugars are saying so low... a good thing :) I will be in an adjustment process again as the new dose of Celexa starts effecting me... but hey in the end its worth it and low is WAY better than high. Ummm.. whatelse. Oh my blood pressure is still perfect 106/70 and quite frankly that always surprises me given family history... but hey I'll take the good stuff whenever I can get it. I also got my latest a1C results and I am now sitting at 5.7%... PERFECT numbers... not only for my health but for that of any future babies :) He's proud of me and so am I.

And finally maybe a baby... lol well the maybe means by the end of this month. I take my last dose of Clomid tonight and then its time to get busy and hope for the best lol. I have been doing lots of research and OMG the incidents of twins scares the crap out of me. Of course we would be thrilled if we ended up with twins... but I would quite happily settle for one extra sticky baby lol. I see Dr.G on Dec.4 to see if I actually ovualted or not this month and I would suspect a PG test and planning in the case of either no ovulation or pregnancy. I was sooooo scared the night I took my first pill. My hands actually shook opening up the little package. I know when the time is right we wil have a baby and I will carry to term but after 2 miscarriages this year I am gun shy and I am sure I will be super anxious for the first weeks of my next preganncy. I just have to keep reminding myself that I do everything in my power to protect and grow a little baby and the rest is in God's hands... I just wish this whole TTC journey so so much easier... not only for me but for all my friends who are going through this with me as well. Oh and Dr.G is quite happy with the Celexa to given at any point I could get PG so that also makes me feel better. He also made a notation in my file because while the miscarriages are not 100% the cause of my depression they are a part of it and as such puts me at higher risk for post partum depression.. WOO HOO. LOL... I say lets get PG and have a little one and cross that road if we must 10 months from now :)

Need to rant...

LOL and I think Jay is tried of listening to me cause I have yattered away at him pretty much since we got home :P

Okay... we go grocery shopping today ( YUCK by the way) and get to the checkout. Now the older I get the more anal I have got about my grocery cart. I shop in a certain order so I can unload and have my stuff bagged in a logical manner. I make a point of unloading the same way to. Well today we had a bagger that had no freaking clue what she was doing. She threw pickles on my bread, dropped my eggs because instead of using the bag holder she would grab a bag and try and stuff items in. Some bags were WAY over stuffed... others had hardly anything.

Now to be fair to her it was apparent she had some type of developmental disability. I work in the field, I have HUGE tolerance when someone with a disability is the person waiting on me. I was extremely frustrated.. though I was nice to her. What made me mad was the store. Either a) she didn't get enough support and training for this particular job or b) she has had lots of support but is unable to master the skills she needs and therefore should get other opportunities within the store. I am always happy to see when a business provides a opportunity for a person with a disability to work... I will in fact tend to shop there more. BUT... it has to be done properly. I was frustrated as all get out and poor Jay got it from me instead of the bagger... but how many people would do that... many would bite her head off and personally I don't think its fair. I am at a crossroads when it comes to phoning the store manager. If I thought she wouldn't get in trouble and would get proper support I would call but my fear is that she won't... UGH what to do????

So we make our call to the taxi company... the same one I have used since childhood and for the first time ever I think I was disgusted by the drivers attitude and lack of customer service. We start off by having to load our own groceries in the car... not a biggie but odd cause any other time I have used this company the drivers assist us. But fine whatever... we get in and the radio is playing a talkshow on international adoption...

The driver looks at us and says its disgusting and that people should not be allowed to adopt because its buying people... OKAY THEN. Well I made a comment about all the children in orphanages and that there is no reason why they shouldn't get homes.. Jay doesn't say anything. The driver then says its disgusting and wrong and if you can't birth a child you shouldn't have a child. Well Jay is still quiet and I made sure to just shut up because I really could have mouthed off and I think it wouldn't have done a damn bit of good. I felt like asking him about all those baby girls dumped in China or the orphans in Hati or Ethiopia? What about kids like Jay who were apprehended because of abuse and deserve loving parents? What about people that would make awesome parents and provide excellent homes to a child and they can't have one of their own because of infertility? ARGH. I think he should have kept his mouth shut... very touchy subject to be speaking about when you don't know the beliefs of your audience.

Well we get home... I pay the fare and add a tip like I always do... why for him I don't know... just habit and courtesy I guess because the drivers for that company are usually awesome. So he pops the trunk and sits while we unload... guess counting his money was more important. He got out to help after he got a call and we were taking to long to unload. ARGH.. I felt like asking for my tip back. I am seriously contemplating calling on him too... I am seriously disappointed in the service we received and had a not been a regular customer of this company I would have second thoughts about calling them in the future.

Ahhhh.... sigh. There feel better now! Thanks for listening :)